War, Inc.--"This is a daring subject to tackle (let alone parody in a forgivable way), but “War, Inc.” does so in a stylish and darkly funny manner hard not to enjoy."

“War, Inc.” stars John Cusack, Joan Cusack, Marisa Tomei, Hillary Duff, and Ben Kingsley. It’s directed by Joshua Seftel (Lost and Found, Old Warrior) and written by Mark Leyner and Jeremy Pikser.

A troubled hitman named Brand Hauser (John Cusack) is hired by a former U.S. Vice President (Dan Akroyd) to kill a Middle East oil minister. His latest mission gains the attention of a sexy reporter (Marisa Tomei) and sets up a crossroad relationship with a young and seductive Pop Star (Hillary Duff) that seems hard to shake off.

This is a daring subject to tackle (let alone parody in a forgivable way), but “War, Inc.” does so in a stylish and darkly funny manner hard not to enjoy. John Cusack plays the hot sauce swigging assassin with a charming feel (like always) and Hillary Duff nails a sexy accent and plays the scorpion-friendly, child-like go-go dancer with a scorching sex appeal to near perfection. This is a witty political satire with a Tarantino-esque vibe to it. Although it is too satirical for its own good to match the essence of a Tarantino film, this is about as close to matching his brilliance as a poetic film-maker as you can get. That is a compliment that no other film beholds and one this film should admire greatly considering it wasn’t well recieved at the Tribeca Film Festival.

“War, Inc.” has a western-like score to it. This might sound unsuitable for a political satire, but it works just fine. Sharply directed and smartly written, this movie rarely misfires. John Cusack stars, produced, and even co-wrote some of the slick and shadowy humor that is present, which just makes me admire his work even more. Being a fan of almost every John Cusack movie I have seen, this film delivers as his best dark comedy since “The Ice Harvest”.

The high caliber cast zips though this material with ease and style, proving to appear very comfortable in this particular genre. This is the perfect type of film for a home viewing, but I wouldn’t discourage you from seeing it when it is released in limited theaters May 23rd if my life depended on it. This will be a controversial film when released and will create a mixed impact on viewers and critics. For me it’s just another under-rated success from an actor that deserves more attention. 4.5/5 stars

Speed Racer--"Originality at its best, delivering the goods at every stretch and turn."

“Speed Racer” stars Emile Hirsh, Christina Ricci, John Goodman, Susan Sarandon, and Paulie Litt. It’s written and directed by Andy and Larry Wachowski (The Matrix Trilogy, V for Vendetta).

Speed Racer (Emile Hirsh) is a young man following the footsteps of his deceased brother and is a natural when it comes to racing in the most extreme conditions. He is aggressive and determined to win every race he competes in. But will Speed Racer pull of the win of a lifetime in the 91st Annual Grand Prix?

Sure the film has its defects, like all the characters the film tries to introduce us to in the 120 minute running time. This leaves no room for a coherent story or even solid character development for the supporting cast. However, never once did I truly dwell on any of the film’s flaws, nor could I get the smile off my face. It may be just a little too violent for children under 10, but teenage boys should have a blast and the parents will be in awe. This film features more color than you would find in a box of crayons. The neon fluxes are simply candy for the eyes, possibly making this the coolest movie I have ever seen.

An exciting, razzel dazzle, edge-of-your-seat roller coaster ride. Every flaw was overlooked when I saw the clear blue skies, eye-popping explosions, and emotionally fueled race scenes. If any movie has the capacity to “blow you away”, this film is it. A visual masterpiece complete with some favorable performances, particularly Christina Ricci in her most liveliest form. There is nothing like this out there and probably never will be. Originality at its best, delivering the goods at every stretch and every turn.

Those of you who are of a later generation never in a million years would have imagined seeing something like this. Never before has a film been so clearly and beautifully shot as this one. The target audience wont be disappointed. Using a green-screen just about the entire time doesn’t affect the attributes of the film as much as it enhances them. In fact, movie buffs will be astonished, bemused and will not believe their eyes once the credits roll. 4.5/5 stars

88 Minutes--"Al Pacino isn’t really horrible in it, but the material is downright bad."

“88 Minutes” stars Al Pacino looking more worn-out than ever and other actors I have no desire to even mention. It’s directed by Jon Avnet (Fried Green Tomatoes) and written by Gary Scott Thompson (Hollow Man, The Fast and the Furious).

Dr. Jack Gramm is a wealthy forensic psychologist by day and a partier by night. He receives a threatening phone call stating that he has a very long 88 minutes to live. As he repeatedly gets these phone calls reminding him of how much time he has left, he tries his hardest to scope out the harasser using his knowledge in forensics.

88 minutes…you wish. This actually runs for a total of 108 very dull minutes. Just because Al Pacino is in it doesn’t give Jon Avnet the right to release this theatrically. The film just can’t shake off that haunting straight to dvd feeling, even with Al Pacino as the lead. Those who pay to see this are just participating in the making of bad films. If we keep seeing them, they’ll keep making them. You might as well reach down in your pocket, take out $9.50 and flush it down the toilet. Al Pacino tries his best but he just looks tired and drained of all emotions, leisurely sagging along.

This is a film with absolutely no redeeming qualities and is a top runner for the worst film of the year. It’s a sloppy and unoriginal psychological bore. An ill-suited score, very poor direction and an inept script is just a taste of what to expect if you waste your time with this one. There is enough unintentional hilarity here to make up a decent comedy. It’s plain and simple, this film just should’ve never been made. I take my reviewing seriously and when I come across a movie as awful as this, it makes me want to slap myself for watching. It doesn’t even qualify for being worthy of a free viewing.

Only see it if you’re willing to contribute to the worst film of the year so far, apparantly without any film competing at taking its place. Al Pacino isn’t really horrible in it, but the material is downright bad. Nothing is worse than seeing a good actor like Al Pacino attempt to make something work and fail. The truth is, I’d rather bash my head repeatedly against a desk 88 times before ever viewing this movie again. 1/5 stars

Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay--"It’s Politically incorrect, full of gratuitous nudity, and displays its vulgarity with an optimistic charm (something the original was afraid to do?). "

“Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay” stars John Cho, Kal Penn, Rob Corddry and the ever famous Neil Patrick Harris. It’s written and directed by Jon Hurwitz and Hayden Schlossberg who are credited for writing the cult classic original.

Taking off just minutes after the first one ended, this sequel follows the two lovable potheads Harold (John Cho) and Kumar (Kal Penn) as they head to Europe to find Harolds true love Maria. Things don’t go as planed and the two end up in Guantanamo Bay where they escape and become fugitives. As usual, the two encounter strange and wacky characters while on the run from the joint.

Being a fan of the original, I was very excited about this sequel upon its arrival to theater. John Cho and Kal Penn reprise their roles as the characters they were born to play. This time they get more political and racial on us, actually hurting the film critic wise. However, this critic couldn’t help but burst into laughter at the hard-to-swallow jokes. It’s Politically incorrect, full of gratuitous nudity, and displays its vulgarity with an optimistic charm (something the original was afraid to do?). I got more than I expect with cameo appearances by everyones favorite NPH, the popular The Big Bag of Weed, and a scene that might go down as a vintage in movie history involving George W. Bush.

Neil Patrick Harris and Rob Corddry’s characters are priceless. I’m not exaggerating when I say that it has one of the funniest and surprisingly important scenes in a comedy. This is definitely the most hilarious film of the year so far. It may be early, but it will certainly be hard to top this gutsy approach to comedy gone vulgar with style. Most critics and those with a fragile conscious will hate the 9/11 references and profiling comments on every race imaginable. But if there ever was a list of my guilty pleasures, this is near the top. You’ll have to forgive the pun, but never once does it blow stale smoke.

This sequel is ruder, cruder, and astonishingly much funnier than the original. I admire a film that acquires some audacity, and this stoner comedy has audacity to spare. This is the comedy event of the year and qualifies as a gut-busting, laugh-till-you-cry motion picture. Jon Hurwitz and Hayden Schlossberg poke fun at every race and do it in a truly forgivable way (considering it’s really funny), even adding a few messages down the road. A wacky, smart and most of all tremendously funny ride with the most lovable on-screen duo since Cheech and Chong. A must-see. 4.5/5 stars

Iron Man--" What really keeps the films energy intact is Robert Downey Jr.’s ability to keep up with the snappy dialog, pratically carrying the film freely on his shoulders (even with that distracting goatee)."

Iron Man” stars Robert Downey Jr., Terrence Howard, Jeff Bridges, and Gwyneth Paltrow. It’s directed by Jon Favreau (Elf, Zathura) and the screenplay was written by Mark Fergus and Hawk Ostby (First Snow, Children of Men).

Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.) is the wealthy CEO of Stark Industries, known for producing advanced weaponry. After demonstrating his latest creation called the Jericho Missile, his Humvee is attacked by terrorists leaving shrapnel in Tony Starks body. He is now required to have a device inserted to keep the shrapnel out of his heart.

Superheros aren’t born, they’re built. “Iron Man” is a great way to kick off the summer season. There are a few problems I had with the movie. The action sequences could have been more evenly distributed and without that frantic feel. It starts off slow and when it picks up the pace, it does it so vigorously it becomes loud and without any real emotional effect. Not to mention the Black Sabbath song Iron Man isn’t played until the credits roll. The dialog is very smart, with truly brilliant lingo scattered throughout. Since I haven’t read an Iron Man comic book, I’m not too sure that it accurately followed the storyline. Seeing that the character development was greatly explored, I can’t imagine it being anything other than faithful to the comics.

Robert Downey Jr. (who is clearly not the hero type) does a surprisingly good job here playing the greatly flawed character Tony Stark. He is a gambler, a compulsive drinker, a womanizer and also a genius inventor. He creates a total of three suits before perfecting his invention, which takes up too much of the running time. I would have enjoyed a little more action to go with my smarts, but the film works on a certain level of popcorn entertainment. His arch nemesis (Obadiah Stone) is played so riotously by Jeff Bridges that it wouldn’t be that same with a full head of hair. What really keeps the films energy intact is Robert Downey Jr.’s ability to keep up with the snappy dialog, pratically carrying the film freely on his shoulders (even with that distracting goatee).

This is the best acting ever displayed in a superhero movie. I am looking forward to a more action packed sequel now that we got to know the tarnished character Tony Stark. Stan Winston, who took part in creating the special effects, proves his talent once again. The work of a master is shown when the special effects don’t weigh down the films story, like most superhero movies do so reluctantly. This will leave fan boys and even those who don’t read the comic foaming at the mouth for more. Be sure to stick around after the credits for a surprising cameo by none other than one of my favorite actors. 3.5/5 stars

Teeth--"This is a fashionably original nightmare that’s both seductively disturbing (for the men) and darkly humorous (for the women)."

“Teeth” stars Jess Weixler as the dangerously beautiful Dawn and other not very well known actors. It’s written and directed by amateur Mitchell Lichtenstein, with “Teeth” being his first step into the liquid of film-making.

A high school student named Dawn (Jess Weixler) encounters some strange happenings with her body. Unaware of whether this is her body maturing or if it is something else. She soon discovers she still has alot to learn about her body. It’s not Dawn’s mouth that is teething, it happens to be something much further south.

They say every rose has its thorns. This one is so sharp, that even the lightest touch will leave a permanent mark on men’s most cherished body parts. This is a fashionably original nightmare that’s both seductively disturbing (for the men) and darkly humorous (for the women). Female genital mutation is certainly original and is explored in this film. This is an entry into the horror comedy genre, a genre that I am very familiar with, that is always smart and satirically horrific. Even though it does have a tedious start, the film picks up the tempo with a very disturbing scene.

The slow beginning develops the hazardous character Dawn, who has been teething in all the wrong places. It’s not very often that something new is shuffled into the mix of horror and comedy. But when it happens, it’s nothing short of refreshing. This is a very impressive directorial debut for Mitchell Lichtenstein, who clearly has a warped mind and used it in the most brilliantly innovative way possible. The acting was very appropriate, never quite overacting or exerting stiff performances. It’s sporadically gory with many scenes making me wince in agony.

This is one of the most bizarre and disturbing movies I have ever seen. It takes a bite out of the usual, chews it up, and spits it out forming an unimaginable creation. An aggressive work of art from an amateur who seems like a natural. He creates something that will haunt men for years to come, reminding them to get to know someone very well before getting intimate. It just might save their most treasured possession. 4.5/5 stars

Awake--"Although there is a moment that will make the faint of heart queasy and possibly encourage you to think twice about surgery, “Awake” is a film that tries much to hard to please it’s audience."

“Awake” stars the hot and sexy Jessica Alba and the usual monotoned Hayden Christensen. It’s written and directed by Joby Harold. This is his first step into the spotlight of directing with Awake being his first entry into filmography.

Joby Harold explores a lurid real-life phenomenon known as anesthesia awareness in his directorial debut “Awake”. Clay Beresford is a happily married and extremely wealthy man who has a weak heart and must undergo a long, and in this case, very painful experience involving a heart transplant.

Although there is a moment that will make the faint of heart queasy and possibly encourage you to think twice about surgery, “Awake” is a film that tries much to hard to please it’s audience. When it’s all over, it’s as if Joby Harold has his hands on his knees, out of breath and gasping for air. There are enough twists in this movie to make your head spin and the majority of them can be predicted without effort. For a directorial debut, this does have minimal style.

Hayden Christensen reprises the role that he has played numerous times before and, like most of the time, without a glimpse of true acting skills. Once again he is a rich and lazy voiced character with a preppy look. The sketchy chemistry between Hayden Christensen and Jessica Alba was intentional for some crucial plot points in the film. This I respect. I believe that most of the flaws are based on lack of direction. This is a film that is very limited in its creepiness. Even though it does have a moment of nearly unbearable intensity, it drifts off into an ineffective experience once you get pass Clay’s inner-thoughts of sheer pain.

It is amazing how many twist and turns this film takes. One fresh and jaw-dropping twist would have justified the needs of most moviegoers. Instead, we have nearly uncountable twists that don’t quite surprise us when we figure most of them out way beforehand. Jessica Alba gives another mildly mediocre performance and relies on her good looks to be charming. Not a bad thing, but does this beautiful woman actually have any acting abilities? One actor in this movie has proven his skills in acting before. Terrance Howard, although not in the top of his game, gives a marginally well performance as one of the surgens.  Most of these problems are just lack of experience and will hopefully upgrade when or if Joby Harold makes his next feature film. I am eager to see if improves. 2/5 stars

Mulberry Street--"Although it’s not as bad as some horror movies, it certainly doesn’t raise the bar of film-making above any standards."

“Mulberry Street” stars a widely unknown cast that don’t show any acting skills and aren’t completely convincing. It’s directed by Jim Mickel and written by Nick Damici, who also stars in the film.

Mulberry Street is located in Manhattan and is infested with rats. These rats are infected with a virus that spreads by biting their victims, in this case humans, and they too evolve into blood thirsty rats. To save the town from the infected are six evicted tenants who  must survive the night fighting off human rats.

For such an amateurish and poorly made flick, it wasn’t completely terrible. Those of you who are zombied out, Hollywood has managed to squeezed something into the tired mutated human genre that isn’t much different than the usual. Instead of zombies, we now have humans evolving into blood thirsty rats. Will Hollywood ever come out with something innovative to add to this vapid genre? Most of the time the film is somewhat incomprehensible, thanks to an always mobile and continuously jumpy camera. This is a feature overused in the majority of recent zombie movies.

There is absolutely no character development. I’m hoping that in this case the film-maker’s intentions were for the viewer to want these characters to mutate and cheer when it finally happens. Problem is we don’t quite cheer when we realize that the mutating process is lackluster. It’s an attempt, but an attempt it remains. There’s nothing new here. Replace the usual zombie movie with rats. We have seen all of this done many times before and much more effective than this. It feels much longer than its 85 min running time because of poor pace and loss of interest.

“Mulberry Street” is as silly as it’s premise. The make-up, though never properly displayed, is expertly crafted. There aren’t enough memorable moments and the film was shot too dark at times to tell what was going on. Although it’s not as bad as some horror movies, it certainly doesn’t raise the bar of film-making above any standards. And where did this virus come from? This is a crucial question for its virus related thesis left unanswered in the end. 1.5/5 stars

Paranoid Park--"Anyone who is looking for a film with first time acting at its best, distinctive style and a pneumatic ring to it, “Paranoid Park” has that and much more."

Paranoid Park” stars Gabe Nevins, Daniel Liu, and many other first time actors. It’s written and directed by Gus Van Saint (Good Will Hunting, Elephant) and is based on a novel written by Blake Nelson.

A teenage skater named Alex (Gabe Nevins) becomes the suspect of the possible murder of a late night security guard patrolling an area near the train tracks. A detective named Richard Lu (Daniel Liu) visits the school known for multiple skaters who hang out at the famous skate park known as Paranoid Park. His reason being that the murder weapon was a skateboard and occurred near this famous skater hang-out.

“Paranoid Park” is an independent flick shot with style and grace. A subtle thriller featuring Gabe Nevins’ debut as an actor and this role just might boost his way to stardom. He gives a spectacular performance as a loner who finds himself in the most disturbing of situations. Not only does Gabe Nevins nails his character, but just about every actor portrayed in the film appeared natural on camera. It’s amazing how confident all of these first time actors (composed primarily of young teens) are. Some of this credit goes towards veteran director Gus Van Saint for prying out these fresh performances, but most of the credit goes to the actors themselves for being so casual during filming.

This is an atmospherically dark and thought-provoking entry into the film noir genre. The excessive use of slow-motion is common in independent flicks. Gus Van Saint takes full advantage of this using ultra slow-motion every chance he gets, eventually overusing it at times. This is a film full of gritty style, even using an unfocused camera at times adding a hazy effect. It has a very modest pace to it that neither hurts the film nor does it really help. The script was sharp and intelligently written.

My only real problem with this film is the ending. It doesn’t quite answer important questions and leaves a dry feeling. An odd selection of music was used in appropriate moments and the direction was done with fashion. This is a well made sleeper that with its subtle approach is gripping, and most of all unsettling. Anyone who is looking for a film with first time acting at its best, distinctive style and a pneumatic ring to it, “Paranoid Park” has that and much more. 4/5 stars

The Bucket List--"Though minimally flawed, this film will raise spirits and touch the core of viewers, something Hollywood has tried many times and failed on multiple levels."

“The Bucket List” stars academy award winners Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson. It’s directed by Rob Reiner (Stand By Me, Misery) and written by Justin Zachham, who really didn’t have a trademark movie until this one rolled around.

The story is about two terminally ill men escape from the hospital to accomplish their bucket list. This is a list containing all of the things that they would like to do before they “kick the bucket”. After being diagnosed with cancer, the two embark on an adventure to complete all the things featured on this list, including sky diving.

The acting is very sharp and the script is incisive. It’s sad, but not to the point of being downright depressing. Etched in my brain was the fact that these very likable characters are going to die. Morgan Freeman is a jeopardy wise mechanic with a loving family and Jack Nicholson is his regular bitter self. The two gain a relationship that touches both deeply, along with the viewers. The best way to describe this film is being both blue and joyous at the same time, generating a ladder of emotions.

There are some moments that are very emotionally charged. These two lovable characters enjoy the greatest months of their lives and it’s a very uplifting experience. An undeniably beautiful portrait of companionship and quite possibly Rob Reiner’s best film involving friendship since “Stand By Me”. This is a sure mist-maker with most of these being tears of joy not sorrow. The directing was top-notch and the film itself was powerful enough to make me tear up more than a couple of times. This is a true winner in my book.

The character development for this serious subject must be very strong and to produce an abiding effect. Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson have spectacular chemistry that is quite possibly the best displayed in ‘07 and boosted this film way beyond my expectations. I would love to see the two together again in the future. Though minimally flawed, this film will raise spirits and touch the core of viewers, something Hollywood has tried many times and failed on multiple levels. My hats off to “The Bucket List” for conquering this difficult feat more than once in a single viewing. 4.5/5 stars

Son of Rambow--"This is the perfect example of a completely disorganized and uneven layout of a flick that could’ve been so much better."

“Son of Rambow” stars Bill Milner, Will Poulter, Zofia Brooks, Neil Dudgeon, Tallulah Evans, and Jessica Hynes. It’s written and directed by Garth Jennings, who directed the incomprehensible “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy”. It’s being released in the U.S. in limited theaters May, 2.

The story centers on two completely different kids who bond a growing relationship making a film titled “Son of Rambow”. Will (Bill Milner) is the eldest son of the Proudfoot family and comes across a bully in school named Lee Carter (Will Poulter). Lee Carter see a more submissive being in Will and uses him as his stuntman and promises to hurt him if he tells anyone. Leading us to the power of word of mouth.

The film doesn’t quite live up to my expectations, but these young actors have a sort of talent not fully displayed here. The adorable trailer and the sweet concept actually oversell “Son of Rambow”, giving the impression that this is going to be a feel good kids movie. The feel good aspect gets lost in the sappy and predictable ending. There is too much violence and a very profound use of foul language for it to be a kids movie, but it’s never mature enough for teens or adults to take it seriously. There is also a very unlikable self-indulgent character that features a razzie worthy hairdo and clothing similar to that featured in “Hook”.

The direction wasn’t bad, the story is sweet, but the film isn’t that good. This is the perfect example of a completely disorganized and uneven layout of a flick that could’ve been so much better. The acting was pretty decent, with the two lead roles carrying the film. Surprisingly, this was dull and never really captured the art of film-making. There are many poorly conducted scenes that actually felt like these youngsters were guiding the film instead of director Garth Jennings. What an embarrassment.

It’s hard to believe that adults will find this endearing with the excessive underage smoking and dirty habits these kids demonstrate on film. It’s not funny enough, nor is it intelligent enough to earn a recommendation. There wasn’t a single moment that the film truly touched me or sparked an emotional cord. Not once was I really entertained or had interest in the outcome of the film. “Son of Rambow” is a hardcore disappointment with nothing original to offer. Skills? I think not. To put it in English terms, it’s complete rubbish. 1.5/5 stars

Super High Me--"There is a point to this documentary, just a very muddled one thanks to the overuse of stand up comedy, the sight of Doug Benson getting “Super High”, and lack of statistics."

“Super High Me” stars stoner/comedian Doug Benson and has cameo appearances from multiple comedians and noted pot smokers including comedian Sarah Silverman and stoner king Marc Emery. It features Michael Blieden’s directorial debut to the big screen.

After witnessing the documentary “Super Size Me”, habitual pot smoker Doug Benson decided to make a documentary on the effects of non-stop usage of the herbal mood enhancer known as Marijuana for 30 days. The big catch being that he has to quit smoking reefer for 30 days before conducting the experiment. This experiment includes memory tests, SAT tests, sperm tests, and psychic tests. The result is the stoner related documentary “Super High Me” released on 4-20-08.

Doug Benson, the guy who was recently named #2 pot comedian by High Times Magazine, is admittedly a funny man. Most of the documentary is composed of stand up comedy by Benson along with many other well known comedians, with the center of all the jokes being the mind-altering substance formally known as cannabis. If your familiar with the buzz and support marijuana, you will appreciate this attempt and some of the aspects that Benson points out in his documentary. One of the most crucial aspects being the DEA raiding medical marijuana labs. Just evidence that not all of this is funny business.

There are some problems with this film. It pretty much fails on the documentary level, lacking in a sufficient amount of statistics to inform the audience of the importance of the oldest known cash crop. A good deal of the film (about 75%) is short stand up acts, most of which are performed by Doug Benson. The majority of the jokes are pretty good, while a good quantity of them aren’t as funny as he makes them out to be. There are several interviews with medical marijuana users, along with an interview with Marc Emery (very interesting). Marc Emery, more commonly known as The Prince of Pot, has become a legend in Canada. This man has been arrested a total of 17 times and his home has raided dozens of times, all for marijuana.

Although it doesn’t supply the desired amount of stats for a documentary, it was mildly interesting. There is an unexpected mood swing the film delivers. That smile on your face will be turned upside down by the sight of the tortured souls of medical marijuana users watching the DEA take away their medicine. There is a point to this documentary, just a very muddled one thanks to the overuse of stand up comedy, the sight of Doug Benson getting “Super High”, and lack of statistics. I liked it, but it just feels like a comedy special to me. 2.5/5 stars

Prom Night--"With subliminal acting, poor production, and a Made-For-TV script, this film has no qualities worth crowning."

“Prom Night” stars Brittany Snow, an uprising actress who’s more commonly known for her side role in “Hairspray”. It features the directorial debut for Nelson McCormick who previously directed TV shows that include Nip Tuck and The Closer.

A night of magic turns into a nightmare for a senior traumatized by the brutal killing of her family (Brittany Snow). The sadistic killer gets put in the mental institution, but escapes in search of the one person he wanted the most. It happens on a night that every teenager should remember for the rest of their life and Donna is guaranteed to remember this one.

Let me first start by saying this wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be, it was worse. The character development was weak (what were their names?) and frankly I didn’t care whether or not these people were slaughtered. Like most teen-friendly slasher flicks, it relies entirely on cheap scares and poorly structured jolts. The kind where the camera slowly sneaks up on a character, only to find out that there is nothing there. What is suppose to leave you in a state of uncertainty and anxiety are the around the corner attacks that are nowhere near satisfying. It’s just another hauntingly familiar addition to the teen slasher genre. Nothing original or new. It’s just the same old cliched stuff.

With subliminal acting, poor production, and a Made-For-TV script, this film has no qualities worth crowning. Brittany Snow can’t carry this movie through it’s short 88min running time with the horrible acting she displays in “Prom Night”. There is no way a timid actress like herself can boost into a mainstream career with tired material like this. There isn’t a sliver of suspense here. A couple moments of just decent acting can be found if you look closely. Not from Brittany Snow, but from Dana Davis who obviously should have been the lead actress.

In the end, this modern retrend of the old school 80’s slasher flick that goes by the same name is just another tired attempt at remaking a classic horror movie. If there is any talent, it was lost during production time. Everything, down to the trite and amateurish script, is irrational and poorly set-up. Don’t spend you time and please don’t spend your money on this soon-to-be-forgotten night. 1/5 stars

Must Love Dogs--"The ending is sweet and the film definitely knows how to touch the viewers heart."

“Must Love Dogs” stars John Cusack, Diane Lane, and co-stars Elizabeth Perkins, Christopher Plummer and many more. It’s written and directed by Gary David Goldberg, who’s previous work is found on the small screen.

Sarah Nolan (Diane Lane) is recently divorced pre-school teacher looking for the right guy to wake up and eat breakfast with for the rest of her life. Thanks to her sister, Sarah’s profile get puts on PerfectMatch.com with the closing line stating “must love dogs”. Jake (John Cusack) is a hopeless romantic who comes across her enthusiastic profile and stunning picture. They just might be the perfect match.

Stepping into my shady zone (that being romantic comedies), I wasn’t too excited about seeing this one, which is why it flew under my radar. However, I really enjoyed the story and more importantly the characters. Under rated actor John Cusack nails his role as the energetic and charming man and Diane Lane couldn’t be more gorgeous as the shy and beautiful-without-knowing-it teacher. Not only is this movie romantic, it’s also surprisingly funny and witty. If you take in consideration my uncontrollable sickness to dislike most romantic comedies, you will realize that this movie is much better than it should be.

Unlike most romantic comedies, this one is simultaneously romantic and very funny. A very difficult feat if you ask me. I wasn’t trying to predict the predictable story, which just proves that I was really interested in the movie and the very likable characters developed with style and grace. John Cusack and Diane Lane have expert chemistry that carries this film smoothly through it’s appropriate 98 min running time. The ending is sweet and the film definitely knows how to touch the viewers heart.

Astonishingly, I highly recommend “Must Love Dogs”. From the near hilarious opening to the heartfelt ending, I couldn’t adore this movie more. Some people might think this is a girlie movie, but it’s not. It has viewpoints from both the male and female perspectives. This isn’t very usual when it comes to this genre. The most amazing thing about it is the chemistry. It’s very obvious that John Cusack and Diane Lane clicked during the screening for “Must Love Dogs”. Other than it being forgivingly predictable, there really isn’t much bad to say about this film. Some might say I am praising this movie too much, but, I really liked it. Not the best romantic comedy, but it was undeniably close to making the top 5 list. Whether you spend money on a rental or catch it on television, this one is easily worth checking out. 4/5 stars

First Sunday--"The only real problems here are the clumsy and off-guard approach to stirring up a moral and the fact that it’s bombarded with melodramatic subplots (all of which aren’t very funny)."

“First Sunday” stars rough and tough Ice Cube, joker Tracy Morgan and co-stars funny man Katt Williams. It’s written and directed by David E. Talbert and this is his first well-known movie.

Two life long buddies, Durell (Ice Cube) and LeeJohn (Tracy Morgan), get caught up in paying a Jamaican gangster his money. LeeJohn comes up with the most immoral plan anyone can think of and, at the same time, Durell has to help out his family or he will lose his kid. This all heads in the direction of a petty crime that cost them 5000 hours of community service and LeeJohn’s impervious plan.

Ice Cube’s recent film isn’t truly a comedy. It does have a couple funny moments (ALL of which were spoiled in the trailer), but this film awkwardly crosses into the area of being a mawkish melodrama. Other than resorting to funny moments, it ends up trying to send a flimsy and lighthearted moral that isn’t quite as powerful as they were hoping. This is definitely something I wasn’t expecting and resulted in disappointment rather than amusement. This dramedy [Yes, I said dramedy] isn’t as reluctant to turn to unmannered behavior and foul language, without being offensive (something I enjoy more and was executed in the Friday series).

I do respect Ice Cube’s choice in movies lately with most of them being family friendly and non-violent comedies. The only real problems here are the clumsy and off-guard approach to stirring up a moral and the fact that it’s bombarded with melodramatic subplots (all of which aren’t very funny). Most of the subplots try to generate tears of joy. It was a sketchy attempt, but I do respect it. A minor problem was bad marketing. The trailer gives the impression this was going to be a hilarious comedy event in tradition to the Friday series, but it wasn’t. This isn’t the movie’s fault. I enjoyed it, although I was disgruntled at David E. Talbert’s turn from comedy to melodrama.

Katt William’s kindles up some one-liners sure to make you giggle or even get in a good laugh. Overall, this dramedy feels absurdly uneven. A number of funny parts are offset by the uncountable subplots with a startling dramatic effect. Sound lumpish? Well it is. I like Ice Cube and admire his shift into the family friendly movie zone, but this one just feels overpowered by sappy and formulaic material. 2/5 stars

Shattered Glass--"Rather than being an attack on Stephen Glass’s fraudulent stories, this film honors his ability to lie entertainingly."

“Shattered Glass” stars Hayden Christensen, Peter Sarsgaard, Chloe Sevigny, Rosario Dawson, Melanie Lynskey, Hank Azaria and Steve Zahn. Each and every one of these actors are at the top of their game. It’s written and directed by Billy Ray, who later wrote and directed the thriller “Breach”.

“Are you mad at me?” and  ”I’m sorry.” These are words spoken from a guy who can’t stand being disliked. “Shattered Glass” is based on the true story about Stephen Glass, a man who’s career is stopped dead in it’s tracks because of multiple fraudulent stories he wrote and were published as fact. He became the youngest writer for “The New Republic” and basically lied through his teeth about more than half of his published work, leading to his downfall.

A great movie indeed, “Shattered Glass” features a acclaimed cast that delivers some startling performances. Every actor in this movie has never (and probably will never) make a better movie than this one. The story is remarkable. Rather than being an attack on Stephen Glass’s fraudulent stories, this film honors his ability to lie entertainingly. Peter Sarsgaard provides a shattering performance as Chuck Lane, the man who accepted responsibility for publishing Glass’s fabricated stories.

If I had a list for the top 20 best films of all time, I would find room somewhere on that list for this movie. Superbly directed and strongly written, there is nothing bad to say about his movie. It is a captivating movie experience, right down the sketchy facts written by the admired journalist Stephen Glass. An intelligent, thought provoking story that is told with both style and grace. The film gets more interesting as it goes along, dishing out amusing fictional stories that are sure to entertain.

A virtually untouchable film with some of the most memorable performances I have ever seen. Take my advice, this is a must see movie. Easily one of the best films made in the millennium age. Don’t believe me, watch it for yourself and see if you can call it anything other than masterful. “Shattered Glass” is an important movie, proving that the most entertaining stories are the ones imagined. 5/5 stars

Funny Games U.S.--"It was a good effort, but Michael Haneke doesn’t quite grasp the true meaning of entertainment."

“Funny Games” stars Naomi Watts, Tim Roth, Michael Pitt, Brady Corbet and Devan Gearheart. It’s written and directed by Michael Haneke, who directed the original foreign film that goes by the same title.

After settling in their vacationing home, a married couple (Naomi Watts, Tim Roth) and their young child (Devan Gearheart) become terrorized by a couple of unwelcomed visitors. After getting the news that some stranger is at the door, the wife answers the door to find a polite young man dressed in tennis whites asks if he and his soon to arrive sidekick can borrow some eggs. This is when the games begin.

Michael Haneke uses only half of his brain here. There are moments that are near brilliant, but the majority of this artsy thriller is dense and dim-witted. There are powerhouse performances to be found practically all around (aside from an unconvincing act performed by Devan Gearheart). My problem with the movie is the script. The film has some moments of sheer brilliance, including the psycho addressing the camera and using a remote to rewind the film in order to save his sidekick. These moments are off-set thanks to many absent-minded moments, including an almost ten minute scene involving ones effort to get off the floor and the attempt to dry a cell phone with a hair dryer.

It was disturbing at times and there were moments that took me by surprise, but the script was a wreck. Some scenes are drawn out to very lengthy proportions that are tedious and dull. Even pointless shots from outside the house seem extended. The camera angels are a little messy at times. One particular angel is shot from under the stairs where the viewer doesn’t have the slightest idea what is going on (this being one of the worst usage of a camera I have seen in years). There were moments of laughter (not too sure if it was intentional or not) that just didn’t feel right.

Overall, I don’t think I liked “Funny Games” but I didn’t hate it.  A more appropriate title for this film would be “Tediously Sadistic Games”. The film was somewhat disturbing, moderately suspenseful, and at times criminally boring. About four scenes scattered in the film that are very intelligent, while multiple scenes should have been cut shorter and weren’t thought out properly. I blame most of these dilemmas on the editing and script. It was a good effort, but Michael Haneke doesn’t quite grasp the true meaning of entertainment. 2.5/5 stars

Shrooms--"This is the equivalent of a bad trip, complete with a pounding headache and that feeling of regret."

“Shrooms” stars a handful of unknown faces including Lindsey Haun, Jack Huston and many others. It’s directed by Paddy Breathnach and written by Pierce Elliot, both of which are first-timers and it certainly shows here.

The film centers around your usual don’t-do-drugs-in-the-woods horror theme. A group of unlucky Americans arrive in Ireland looking for a potent drug known as shrooms. They are guided on their quest by a mushroom expert who points out the ups and downs of shrooming. After eating some of these magic mushrooms, the group becomes attacked by shadowy figures, not sure it they are hallucinating or if it is all real.

The film suffers from a dull use of a cliched premise. Don’t be fooled by the attractive cover and the addictive title. It takes a while for the film to lift itself off the ground and when it does, nothing particularly special occurs. The film manifests itself into a buzz that quickly fades into a familiar experience, taking a twist from a more disturbing and entertaining film known as “High Tension”. Many times the film is shot from a disorienting camera lens (primarily used during premonitions) that becomes irritating rather than trippy.

This is the equivalent of a bad trip, complete with a pounding headache and that feeling of regret. Why did I take that drug? Or in this case, why did I watch that movie? There are lots of dark scenes shot in a distorting blue color (similar to the color found on the cover) that make it difficult to see what’s going on. The kills are too poorly shot to be scary and it’s never gory or funny enough to pass as a horror comedy. A talking cow is thrown into the mix to hopefully generate a couple of chuckles. Really, this scene is just an urgent attempt at making a memorable moment.

This is a film that has no redeeming qualities. The acting by the female leads are beyond bad and rely on their good looks. Not a bad thing, but no nudity is present, which is what many people depend on to be mildly entertained during a dull horror movie like this one. The unexpected twist ending every horror fanatic has already seen executed more effectively in other films. When it rolls around you feel riped off, as if someone sold you a bag of oregano rather than your usual supply of reefer. 1/5 stars

Leatherheads--"Overall, the film that doesn’t really know what direction to run in, fumbling between a screwball comedy and a romantic love triangle."

“Leatherheads” stars George Clooney, Renee Zellweger and John Krasinski. It’s directed by George Clooney, this being the third time he has directed himself in a movie. The script was written by Ducan Brantley and Rick Reilly.

The film is set in the 1920’s football era. Where there weren’t helmets, there were leatherheads. Dodge Connelly (George Clooney) is the captain of the football team and plans to lead his dysfunctional team to the pros. Lexie Littleton (Renee Zellweger) is a journalist looking for the story of her career. That story being the talk of the town known as Carter Rutherford (John Krasinski), who forced many German soldiers to surrender in WWI all on his own.

The problem with “Leatherheads” is that it tries to brew together multiple genres and fails miserably. Renee Zellweger as the perky, sour faced journalist (usually found wearing scarlett red) doesn’t really show any talent. The chemistry between her and George Clooney feels dispute. The filmmakers did a good job at catching the essence of the 1920’s, nailing the clothing styles, music and the transportation established during this time. But the film itself feels dated. This is definitely something that might appeal to older folks, particularly within the age range of 70 and up.

George Clooney, who usually plays very mundane characters, tries to liven his act up a bit. The problem is he isn’t funny. The script is frail and doesn’t have any true moments or surprises. Very few of the scenes involve football, so the trailer was kind of a mislead. Sadly, these rarely shown football scenes rely on close-ups of Clooney’s goofy expressions to make us laugh. The entire thing was rather boring and was too long for a comedy. The dialog is missing snap and wit, something repeatedly shown in the trailers. Another mislead.

The direction wasn’t bad, but it never reaches any level of success. A short summary would be the film is lacking. The comedy failed completely without a moment of chuckles. For those who are looking for something with some comedic payoffs and a more football related comedy, skip this one. Overall, the film that doesn’t really know what direction to run in, fumbling between a screwball comedy and a romantic love triangle. Having said that, you might want to thing twice about seeing this one. 1.5/5 stars

Bachelor Party--"There are moments of hilarious vulgarity, earning this wild party a very cautious recommendation provided that some might find it extremely offensive."

“Bachelor Party” stars Tom Hanks, Tawny Kitaen, and many others who names become lost in memory, thanks to well known Tom Hanks. It’s directed by Neal Isreal who’s work is formally found on the small screen.

Rick (Tom Hanks) is a school bus driver who is soon getting married to a beautiful brunette named Debbie (Tawny Kitaen). During the usual outing with his friends, Rick informs his buddies about his latest news. Of course, the first thing that springs to the mind these party animals is a bachelor party complete with hookers, drugs, alcohol…and a mule?

The film features a young, healthy, and energetic Tom Hanks as a refreshing character who is immature with no moral intentions or thoughts about the future: Very funny. The rest of the movie relies on the wit of the script that only shines on a few occasions, but those few occasions are genuinely amusing. The movie also has a large quotum of gorgeous women, most of which exhibit some serious flesh. However, I do feel that Tawny Kitaen was a miscast here. The chemistry between her and Tom Hanks felt bland.

“Bachelor Party” is dirty, raunchy, rude and often laugh-out-loud funny. At times the movie is just noisy and leans toward an uncomfortable area, but doesn’t loiter in this area. This a film some people might find insulting, others might describe it as being as raunchy and crude for it’s generation as “Superbad” is for our generation. This romp does overstay it’s welcome and has moments that should have been cut to make it an appropriate 90 minute running time. Those who become bitter and enraged by random acts of sex with mules and the appearance of hookers with whips, this isn’t the comedy for you.

There are moments of hilarious vulgarity, earning this wild party a very cautious recommendation provided that some might find it extremely offensive. Tom Hanks really shines here, pending the fact that he has no competition on screen. It is lacking in a more appropriate supporting actress with some sort of chemistry to dish out. If your looking for a good laugh here and there, “Bachelor Party” has a decent amount of those scattered in it’s 105 minute running time. A few of those laughs being uncontrollable. This is a large compliment to the widely overlooked Tom Hanks comedy that spawned an unnecessary sequel. Worthy of a rental if you aren’t easily offended. 3/5 stars

Nim's Island--"I enjoyed it, but not immensely and it never uses a sufficient amount of imagination to sparkle."

“Nim’s Island” stars academy award nominee Abigail Breslin, academy award winner Jodie Foster, Gerald Butler known for his role in “300″ as King Leonidas. It’s directed by Jennifer Flackett and Mark Levin.

Nim (Abigail Breslin) lives on an island with her dad (Gerald Butler) and many of her animal friends. Her dad is a marine biologist who studies microscopic organisms that live in the ocean, which Nim report as not being her thing. Nim’s hobby is reading. She loves reading books about a fictional adventurer named Alex Rover (Gerald Butler) written by Alexandra Rover (Jodie Foster). When Nim’s dad becomes missing at sea and her island becomes invaded, she asks for the help of her mythical hero Alex Rover.

Another average family friendly film with an issue not usually found in this genre. The problem being it doesn’t try hard enough. I found that most films geared towards kids try too hard to please audiences and end up being annoying to adults. This isn’t the problem here. Never once did I find myself truly aggravated. With a great imagination this film could have been taken too the outer limits without huffing and puffing it’s way to the finish line. It felt like the actors were just on vacation. Jodie Foster was decent and would have been really good if the movie was a little better, Abigail Breslin is adorable like she was suppose to be, and Gerald Butler give an uneven performance, with the more likable character being Alex Rover.

The story was very simplistic with nothing really complex muddling it’s moral. This is very mild entertainment. The scenery is really the only thing to look forward to if you going to see this in theaters. It was beautiful too look at. But with no adventure or action taking place, the film begins to slowly fade in memory, never being a real burden to my viewing pleasure. I enjoyed it, but not immensely and it never uses a sufficient amount of imagination to sparkle. Jodie Foster was very energetic and brought some life to the screen. A screen lacking in full-on entertainment and a suitable amount of happenings. This isn’t a boring movie or a bad movie, but it’s lacking in effort.

I did like the movie, but I felt like there could have been much more done here, starting with it being more adventurous. The acting wasn’t bad but the script (which took a total of four writers) felt underwritten. There is no real chemistry to be found between the actors, aside from Nim and her gassy sealion who spend the most screen time together. Nothing special and I wouldn’t spend the admission price plus popcorn and soda to see it, but it certainly isn’t a hardcore disappointment. 2.5/5 stars

The Ruins--"The unintentional laughter was heavy compared to the scares, which felt as light as a feather."

“The Ruins” stars Jonathan Tucker, Jena Malone, Shawn Ashmore, and Laura Ramsey. It’s directed by Carter Smith (Me and Max, Bug Crush) and based on the novel written by Scott B. Smith, who also wrote the screenplay for the movie.

The story follows a group of friends who decide to head to a remote temple in the Mexican jungle. They are accompanied by a tourist with a map to the temple. When the group arrives, the are welcomed in the most unpleasant way by village people who are determined to sacrifice them to a horror that grows like weed.

Those who can’t stand the sight of blood or become queasy easily should probably skip this one, for it has it’s fair share gory moments. There are many problems that flood the film. One is the fact that it wasn’t hardly scary. The thought of plants that get under your skin wasn’t the least bit frightening nor was it believable. Another flaw was the thinly written script and poor character development. The antics performed by the characters were so absent-minded that I was hoping they would die. That way they wouldn’t continue to polute the screen with such stupid tomfoolery. The dialog will have you rolling your eyes in disgust at how badly written it all is. This is a strictly by the numbers horror flick, so don’t expect to be blown away by it’s originality.

I was surprised that the cast did moderately good acting, more notably by the female leads. Unfortunately, the movie managed to cough up more laughs than thrills. The scenes that include dwelling into the temple were poorly shot and too dark at times to tell what was going on. Other scenes were shot beautifully, including a scene in which the plants snatch up a couple of severed limbs. I laughed quite a bit, which I don’t think was the film’s intention. On the plus side, it has it’s moments of extreme gore that will have many covering their ears and cuffing their mouth.

It tries very hard to dig under your skin, but truthfully digs deep down and tickles the funny bone. A disappointing feat if your expecting a horror movie. I was somewhat disappointed in the sudden ending and the whole outcome of the movie. The beginning was paced slowly, giving me that “get on with it” feeling. The unintentional laughter was heavy compared to the scares, which felt as light as a feather. This is a film that breezes by without being truly captivating or maintaining a staining effect. 2.5/5 stars

Cloverfield--"...one of the most frightening monster movies made in decades."

“Cloverfield” stars a young and talented cast that includes Mike Vogal, T.J. Miller, Jessica Lucas, Odette Yustman, and Lizzy Caplan. It features Matt Reeves’ directorial debut and is written by Drew Goddard.

The movie opens with film that has been found in Central Park in Manhattan, New York and displayed by government officials. On the film, a going away party for Jason Hawkins (Mike Vogal) is interrupted by an earthquake that shakes the building, all of this being documented by a friend of Jason Hawkins named Hud (T.J. Miller). The party heads to the roof to see if they can see anything and witness an explosion that sets this monster movie in motion.

Most people are quick to reference this movie to the infamous Blair Witch Project, which is totally appropriate considering that they stole the concept. However, this is more real and intense than that. At one point they refer to terrorist attacks, which is what most people’s first reactions would be to an unexpected explosion that occurs nearby. The jittery camera work does varnish the realistic effect, but this is used very excessively and will probably nausea to those with motion sickness. I don’t have that problem, so I had a great time. I felt like I was there, actually getting the urge to run from this hideous, but undeniably gorgeous, monster. A movie has never been so frighteningly real.

Buckle yourself in, hold on tight, and don’t hit your head on the ceiling, for this is so intense you will not be able to sit still. It was so much better than I expected. To cope with what’s going, the documenter resorts to some humor while others panic and loot. How much more real can you get? Truth be told, I loved it. You get an excellent shot of the monster, which is very frightening, yet engaging.  It has many jump out of your seat scares and genuinely surprising moments where I caught myself holding my breath, then gasping for air. This happened repeatedly. It’s a more innovative and shocking sci/fi horror movie than any other out there. My heart was pounding, my palms were sweating, and I was in complete awe. What more could you ask for from a horror movie?

Surprisingly, I cherished the shaky camera work. I was never lost and knew what was going on at all times. That’s impressive considering the camera becomes tilted at several different angels. Many questions are left unanswered (where did this monster come from and was it government related?), but this is forgiven when a movie delivers something deeper than goosebumps. I know that this is a bold statement, but it’s one of the most frightening monster movies made in decades. The acting was solid and the director did fantastic job at making a masterpiece without one scene feeling choreographed. Heart pounding terror filled the core of my bones as I nearly fell off my chair. Thank you Hollywood for finally making the ultimate monster movie. 4.5/5 stars

Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon--"Did I like it? No, not really, but I wouldn't withhold you from seeing it."

“Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon” stars newcomer Nathan Baesel, Angela Goethals, and co-stars the legendary Robert Englund. It’s written and directed by first-time director Scott Glosserman.

Leslie Vernon (Nathan Baesel) is the new slasher on the streets and invites a crew of filmmakers to document his life as he plans his next kills in the sleazy town known as Glen Echo. While the filmmakers get a sort high from the experience of the premeditated murders, once the psychotic Leslie Vernon kills his first victims, that euphoria soon diminishes.

Writer/Director Scott Glosserman has a little fun with the subject, adding references to Michael Myers, Freddy Kruger, and Jason Vorhees. All of this is mentioned in the sluggish beginning, involving two dimensional character development that soon evolves into three dimensional character development as the film proceeds. This movie clearly has it’s ups and downs.

The first half of the movie is a complete mess. It has an unrelenting artificial flavoring heavily coated on the flimsy documentary style camera work that lessens the realistic effect. As the film continued on, one scene was projected that was very interesting. This scene involves the premeditated murder of a group of party animals. From there on, the film moves slowly up and down the rating scale, containing an occasionally intelligent script and a couple scenes of boredom where I found myself more interested in petty things, like the twirling of my thumbs. One thing is for certain, this is a sadistic insight of the mind of a serial killer that will be the root of a long discussion during dinner time.

I would’ve liked the film to be more of a slasher film than a documentary. The movie lacked blood (some of the most grotesque moments were off camera) and displays a series of cheap and forgettable kills. Therefore, the true gorehound, like me, will be somewhat disappointed. Nathan Baesel gives a mighty strong acting debut, bringing a moderately creepy vibe, especially when he is preparing his attacks. Scott Glosserman uses similar elements of “The Blair Witch Project”, without the staining style or powerful substance. I do see the talent here, but it wasn’t used to it’s full extent. There are some strong, compelling performances and a sometimes incisive script that are overwhelmed by a substantial amount of dimwitted moments. Did I like it? Not really, but I wouldn’t withhold you from seeing it. 2.5/5 stars

Superhero Movie--"This is a sporadically funny spoof containing a few good laughs that become interrupted with the tired references to pop culture and overlong potty humor."

“Superhero Movie” stars the young uprising actor Drake Bell, the young hottie Sarah Paxton, character actor Christopher McDonald, and funny guy Leslie Nelson. It’s written and directed by Craig Mazin, who is responsible for writing films like “Senseless”, “Scary Movie 3″, and “Scary Movie 4″.

This is a spoof of all the recent superhero movies, including “The Fantastic Four”, “Batman Begins”, X-Men” and the spotlight of the film being the first of the “Spiderman” series. A loser named Rick Riker (Drake Bell), who is introduced in the first scene by multiple shots to the head, is the hero of this silly story. When our unlikely hero is bit on the neck by a genetically engineered dragonfly, he becomes the go-to-guy to destroy his arch enemy, Hourglass (Christopher McDonald).

With all of the recent flat-out unfunny spoofs of the past few years (Date Movie, Epic Movie, Meet the Spartans), this is one of the best I have seen. There are some spirited moments that are well spoofed and fine timing when it comes to the one-liners. Unfortunately, all of this is weighed down by not so funny references to my space, google, you tube, and facebook. Not to mention adding a stupid moment involving dumping someone because they are no longer on their cellphone’s five person plan.

Most of the jokes are very lame and some of the laughs feel forced. This is a very common matter when it comes to spoofs. This is a sporadically funny spoof containing a few good laughs that become interrupted with the tired references to pop culture and overlong potty humor. Drake Bell is good in this genre and I found him to be pretty funny at times. His expressions sell the movie, bringing life to some moments of unfunny gags. I had a good time with all of this, but nothing is particularly memorable. 

“Superhero Movie” is a much better approach to the live genre known as spoofing. There are some surprisingly clever moments that associate with the first “Spiderman”. It’s when the filmmakers attempt to spoof “The Fantastic Four” and “X-Men” that most, of the jokes fall flat. It’s a good thing that “Spiderman” was their mainstream movie to spoof. Compared to the worst film of last year, (that being “Epic Movie”) “Superhero Movie” is masterful work. Leslie Nelson could’ve been funnier and there are much better movies to see, but if your feeling in the mood for stupid fun, that is exactly what “Superhero Movie” is.  A golden turd of a movie that I surprisingly recommend viewing once it hits the rental shelves. 2.5/5 stars

Stop-Loss--"You know that little box in your head that stores every memorable movie? Stop-Loss fits neatly in that box, being one of the top ones you pull out to recommend."

“Stop-Loss” stars Ryan Phillippe, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Channing Tatum, and many more uprising stars . It’s directed by critically acclaimed movie director Kimberly Pierce (Boys Don’t Cry), who is partially credited for writing the story.

After serving his time and duty in Iraq, dedicated war hero Sgt. Brandon King (Ryan Phillippe) returns to his home in Texas, only to find out that he has been stop-lost. This is a military term meaning the extension of ones service involuntarily. When Sgt. Brandon King hears this, he goes AWOL and escapes in a desperate attempt not to return to Iraq.

Being hailed as an anti-war/pro-soldier drama, “Stop-Loss” is both a powerful and harrowing film. Director Kimberly Pierce does an outstanding job at digging deep for the performances of a lifetime given by both Ryan Phillippe and Joseph Gordon-Levitt. The stable performance by Ryan Phillippe is compelling , but the truly riveting act here was dished out by Joseph Gordon-Levitt as the soldier falling apart. I took the time to relish each moment he was on screen, proving to be the best performance of his career and possibly worthy of an Oscar nod.

You know that little box in your head that stores every memorable movie? Stop-Loss fits neatly in that box, being one of the top ones you pull out to recommend. It’s the best anti-war movie I have witnessed in my career of viewing movies and is the first must-see drama of the year. The acting is top-notch, especially by Joseph Gordon-Levitt who gives the first perfected performance of his accomplished and growing career. The hand held camera work is used at times to polish the rawness of the film. These are just a few of the things that prove that Kimberly Pierce was born to direct such emotionally effective films like this one.

As I looked around at the dead-empty movie theater, I couldn’t help but wonder why nobody is going to see this great movie. If there is one movie to be seen in theaters right now, that movie is “Stop-Loss”. The film does have it’s flaws, but none of them are clearly noticeable. If you probe hard enough you might find these blemishes, but you will have one hell of a time seeking them out. I was very impressed. 4.5/5 stars

Robert Kurtzman's The Rage--"My suggestion is to cut out your brain and kick it out the door before watching this one.,"

“The Rage” is directed by Robert Kurtzman, who is responsible for directing the near masterful work known as “Wishmaster”, and partly written by him also. The cast is full of actors and actresses who are unknown for a good reason.

A mad scientist experiments with a virus known as rage. He uses this to experiment with innocent victims deep in the woods. When a few of his patients escape, the woods become terrorized by blood hungry monsters who are in search of their next victims. In this case, the victims being the usual group of partiers.

It does take a kind sadistic talent to artistically splatter blood and spew guts, and Robert Kurtzman has that perverse talent. Everything, from the horrible acting to the rambunctious occurrences, are overlooked thanks to Kurtzman’s knack for directing over-the-top, campy horror films. I realize that it’s bad. Scratch that. I realize that it’s really bad, but this horror film actually brings some new ideas to the table. One innovative idea  being the mutated vultures who vomit on and devour their victims. If your hungry for a blood and guts galore, then look no further. Maybe it’s not the goriest film ever made (Dead Alive), but it’s surely packing lots of grotesque moments that will have people arguing over this subject matter.

“The Rage” is a gooey and delightfully gory feature guaranteed to satisfy any gorehound. The story is flimsy and the acting is cheesy. So to really enjoy this one for what it’s worth, you have to be a hardcore horror nut, which is certainly the category I fit under. My suggestion is to cut out your brain and kick it out the door before you watch this film, meaning don’t think too hard about it. There is one somewhat dull moment featuring a flashback. This is just a dire attempt at character development and ends up being a careless juncture. Those who don’t like the shaky camera work (like me) will be mildly disappointed at the excessive use of it during the vulture attacks.

Overall, this is worth a look for die hard horror buffs. Anyone with a weak stomach should avoid this one. One thing that would make me admire this movie much more than I already do, is if they didn’t go overboard with the CGI blood and vulture effects. Don’t take the acting and story so seriously and enjoy this movie for the brainless, blood-drenched horror movie it truly is and you won’t be disappointed. 3/5 stars

P2--"...one of the dullest thrillers made in the past few years."

“P2″ stars Rachel Nichols, Wes Bentley and a number of unknown actors and actresses. It’s directed by first-timer Franck Khalfoun and written by Alexandre Aja (High Tension) and Franck Khalfoun.

A woman (Rachel Nichols) gets stuck inside the parking garage of her work late on Christmas Eve and becomes pursued by a psychotic security guard (Wes Bentley). Her chances of escaping become very slim when the security guard has cameras watching her every move. This leads to her struggle to survive the night and maybe, just maybe get out of P2 alive.

I just watched the movie and I’m already starting to forgetting it. It tries so hard to be a throwback to the 80’s slasher flicks, but only succeeds in being basic and unoriginal. This holiday horror flick has weak characters, a sloppy script, poor acting, and lack of style. It starts off dull and doesn’t ever pick up the pace, in which some moments of dozing and head-nodding occur. It’s sporadically gory and is extremely low on the suspense. The acting by Wes Bentley was so terrible, it’s almost unbelievable. His features are more the preppy school boy type than the unstable human being, resulting in the most unconvincing psychopath I have seen in recent years.

“P2″ should’ve been released in it’s suitable form. That form being directly to DVD. I feel terribly bad for those poor horror fans who paid admission to see this. I’m sure most walked out to watch whatever was playing at the multiplex next door. “P2″ is one of the dullest thrillers made in the past few years. In fact, you might have to glue you eyelids open for this one. A mundane slasher flick with practically nothing to recommend. The dialog is about as unoriginal as you can get and after watching “P2″, you’ll be tired of hearing the names Tom and Angela.

I recommend that you rent “High Tension” and any other throwback to 80’s slasher flicks if you intend on getting even the mildest of thrills. The film was so boring, it almost crossed into the unwatchable zone. The three gory scenes were executed and shot poorly. Even the most radical ending wouldn’t save the film from being a total waste of time. Completely avoid this one at all costs. 1/5 stars

Penelope--"It wasn't an effort, but a pleasure watching Penelope."

“Penelope” stars Christina Ricci, James McAvoy, Catherine O’Hara, Richard E. Grant, and Reese Witherspoon. “Penelope” marks director Mark Palansky’s first full length feature film debut, which proves to be a pretty decent movie.

Penelope (Christina Ricci) is a young girl who was born with the nose of a pig because of a curse place upon her family by a witch. The catch is the curse isn’t permanent. It can be broken by finding true love and liking herself for who she is. Her mother (Catherine O’Hara) faked the death of Penelope to protect her from the public, leading to Penelope’s escape from home into the real world.

A few elements are exaggerated in the film. These include the dates jumping out nearby windows after seeing “the nose” and also the fact that she is unbearable to look at. Aside from her nose, Christina Ricci is absolutely adorable. These flaws can be forgiven for the fact that this is a fairytale story. ”Penelope” is bombarded by overacting from Catherine O’Hara. On the other hand, Christina Ricci is so appealing here that you look right past that distinct pig snout and see a charming performance. There is impressive dialog that is poetically narrated by Christina Ricci in the beginning. The rest of the film’s dialog is trite, but not abrasive.

Reese Witherspoon gives a short, but memorable, performance as the one who shows Penelope around the “outside world”. As vivid predictions lapsed through my head, I was completely surprised that the ending wasn’t as predictable as I thought. Sure the part about her living happily ever after was foreshadowed, but there are a couple of clever twists at the end. It’s quite refreshing.

There is a cliched subplot containing two characters who plan to get a snapshot of the nose for public appeal, but I enjoyed it for the most part. “Penelope” puts a small twist on the average fairytale. Nothing explosive (it’s just a nose), but cute enough to acknowledge. The direction isn’t top-notch, but acceptable considering this is Mark Palansky’s first full length feature film. I have to say that it was worth my time. It wasn’t an effort, but a pleasure watching “Penelope”. 3.5/5 stars

Vantage Point--"Viewing this movie once is like viewing it eight times."

“Vantage Point” stars Dennis Quaid, Forest Whitaker, William Hurt, Sigourney Weaver, and many others. This is the directorial debut of Pete Travis and the story is written by first time writer Barry Levy.

The story follows the attempted assassination of the president of the United States, shown from total of eight different perspectives. These viewpoints include innocent bystanders, bodyguards and even the president himself. Each of these people have their own incidents that relate to the shooting and inadvertently tie in at the end.

My interest was scattered through the film, losing and gaining interest from time to time. The spectacular cast failed to completely impress. Each performance was below average. Especially Dennis Quaid, who adds yet another horribly unconvincing performance to his lists of efforts. He has this expression stamped on his face that is similar to Harrison Ford, confused and angry. He deserves an early worst actor nomination for his attempt here, it was horrendously bad.

The film does contain a few good chase scenes that are shot well and the action is non-stop, but the film is extremely repetitive. The president gets shot, an explosion occurs, then a chase scene shortly after. It even felt like a directorial debut with the director never really getting the actors to show what they are made of. William Hurt, Forrest Whitaker, and Sigourney Weaver are all great actors, yet the perform on subpar levels here. Just proof that the director failed in probing for convincing acting. There are many minor twists and turns, but no true surprises. We have the trailer to thank for that. It ruined the biggest twist in the movie.

Each perspective failed to climax until the end. It’s not a really bad movie, but I certainly wouldn’t watch it again. The downpour of bad acting by Dennis Quaid and the continuous rewinding of the movie, only to experience the same thing in a different perspective, left me very pleased when it finally ended. Viewing this movie once is like viewing it eight times, and that can’t be a good thing. 1.5/5 stars

Drillbit Taylor--"It's predictable and not funny enough to warrant a theatrical viewing."

“Drillbit Taylor” stars a young uprising cast that includes Kate Hartley, Troy Gentile, Ian Roberts, and the veteran actor Owen Wilson. It’s directed by Stephen Brill (Heavy Weights, Little Nicky, Mr. Deeds) and the screenplay was written by Seth Rogan (Superbad).

The story follows a group of geeks who are tormented on their first day of high school by a corrupt and immoral bully. This leads to the idea of hiring a professional bodyguard to put an end to the unrightful beatings. They hire Drillbit Taylor, a bum posed as a retired army veteran aimed at coning the freshmen for their personal belongings.

I like the cast of youngsters in the film. They all have a certain chemistry that hold the film together. This feels more like an 80’s John Hughes movie released too late. It might have worked better for the earlier generation of kids, but this generation of kids have no taste and are looking for a more rude, crude and vulgar film. Being claimed as the prequel to “Superbad”, this is more mature and honest and I respect it for that reason. This doesn’t have anything original and feels oddly familiar, but it’s simple and direct.

Some of the truly funny moments were spoiled in the trailer that had me biting at my lip to see it. It ends up being light on the laughs and heavy on the smiles. The story is widely predictable and the characters are very similar to the ones in “Superbad”. These factors don’t hurt the film entirely. What hurts the film is the trailer. If you haven’t seen the trailer, you will probably have some good laughs. Owen Wilson does a pretty good job as the cereal loving bum posed as a bodyguard, and the young cast is fresh. Especially Troy Gentile, who exerts facial expressions that are quite funny. Fans of the boxoffice hit “Superbad” will probably dislike the film, for it is lacking in immature and tasteless lowbrow humor.

Overall, it is a sweet and cute story, but it has all the elements that make up a rental. It’s predicable and not funny enough to warrant a recommendation for a theatrical viewing. I did have fun and enjoyed the ending, even though I saw it coming. This is the very definition of an average comedy that earns my recommendation when it comes out on DVD. 2.5/5 stars

30 Days of Night--"I had a good time watching the snow become blood-stained red."

“30 Days of Night” stars Josh Hartnett, Melissa George, along with other actors I won’t waste my time mentioning and co-stars a strong performance by Ben Foster as The Stranger.

When an Alaskan town experiences a total of 30 days of darkness, this gives advantage to the prince of darkness known as vampires. These screeching bloodthirsty vampires are bent on destruction and plan to suck the life out of the town’s civilians. This leads to the overthrow of the town and singles out a few survivors to save the day…or should I say night.

The vampires having full advantage gives me the impression that it will have it’s fair share of kills, and it did. One vampire really shined. He looked like a modern day Nosferatu, bald and hideous. I expected it to have a thrilling beginning, but in this case the film started of slow. It picks up the pace once Ben Foster appears on screen. He gives the most effective performance in the movie, while Josh Hartnett was mediocre and Melissa George administers a pale and forgettable performance. Each character is lacking in depth, resulting in a root for the vampires.

The film has shaky camera work (which I am not too keen on) but does it well enough to be able to tell what is going on. Some of the kills are brutal and jaw-dropping, with the weapon of choice here being an axe. This is a dark and exceedingly bloody vampire flick with the ultimate vampires, featuring blackened eyes, long nails, sharp teeth, and even their own fictitious language. This gloomy vampire flick certainly has it’s moments. I had a good time watching the snow become blood-stained red.

This is a fun movie to watch when your in the mood for blood dripping fun. Every attack by the cold blooded vampires can be foreshadowed by the viewer resulting in few startling moments, it features “heard it before” dialog, and it’s not very scary. Yet, I am still recommending it for the blood thirsty movie goer like myself. 3.5/5 stars

The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford--"A must-see movie event"

“The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford” stars Brad Pitt, Casey Affleck, Sam Rockwell, Paul Schneider, Jeremy Renner, and Sam Shepard. It’s written and directed by Andrew Dominik (Chopper) and based on a novel written by Ron Hansen.

Robert Ford (Casey Affleck) is a 19 year old who has idolized Jesse James (Brad Pitt) since he was a child. Wanted by the law for train robberies and the murder of many innocent people, Robert Ford shoots him in order to gain fame and get the reward for his death. This is the story of the assassination of Jesse James.

This is a spectacular film. Everything is well shot and the performances first-rate. The cinematography was remarkable and it was brilliantly narrated by Hugh Ross, who has a gripping voice. Both shocking and startling at times, the whole experience was unbelievably gripping from start to finish. Featuring very strong direction by Ron Hansen, who digs deep and find the true essence of filmmaking with this beautiful film. This has everything, from style to an intelligently written script.

It is slowly paced, but the film doesn’t feel drawn out. This is certainly one of the years very best films with some moments that are sure to catch you off-guard. Most of the credit goes to Brad Pitt for portraying a character who makes every scene tense and nerve wrecking. For creating an unpredictable and ruthless killing machine with a soft core. A man with a split personality. This is what acting is all about. Casey Affleck gives a more lively performance than usual, which was acknowledged by the Academy.

Easily earning my recommendation, this is a most amazing film with some sleek, not-to-be-missed performances that will have your eyes opened wide. Brad Pitt delivers the goods, swinging from one mood to another, always catching you by surprise. With some stunning camera work and one of the years best performances by Brad Pitt as the cold-hearted outlaw Jesse James, this is clearly a must-see movie event. 4.5/5 stars

Going Overboard--"I think I took a crap this morning that was more amusing than this." 

“Going Overboard” stars Adam Sandler and has cameo appearances from Allen Covert and Billy Bob Thorton. It’s written and directed by Valerie Breiman and produced by Adam Rifkin, who wrote Small Soldiers, Zoom and Underdog.

Shecky Moskowitz is a struggling comedian determined to get his chance at fame by showing off his comedic skills, or lack thereof. He tries to get Dickie Diamond, the best comedian on the ship, to let him open his gig for him. After rejecting Shecky, Dickie Diamond get locked in the bathroom, giving Shecky his big chance to shine.

This no budget flick wont even satisfy hardcore Sandler fans. In fact, it will probably annoy them as well as everyone else. I wouldn’t be surprised if I am the only one who watched the entire movie. When a character acknowledges that a camera is present through the entire film, you know your in for a crappy movie. You can’t get much more dimwitted than this. I couldn’t help but watch mindlessly as every single joke failed. The comic timing was off and the production value of the film was poor. Even funny man Adam Sandler couldn’t squeeze in a single laugh.

Can’t say much about the acting because there is none to be found. The makers should have stamped a warning on the cover. Caution: Head will hurt and IQ will drop sufficiently after viewing. This is a laughless film and even the filmmakers know it. I am sure the majority of viewers couldn’t finish the movie and I can’t blame them. I write this too keep EVERYONE away from it, including die hard Sandler fans. I think I took a crap this morning that was more amusing than this.

The montage of beautiful women is the best part of the film and lasted maybe one minute. I enjoy most of Adam Sandler movies, which is why I finally got around to this piece of junk. I can’t see anyone having a good time watching it. Please, please don’t waste your time viewing this unpolished turd. I think I will cut this review short and just update my list for worst movies ever made. 0.5/5 stars

The Deaths of Ian Stone--"The Deaths of Ian Stone is a movie that’s worth dusting off come Halloween time."

“The Deaths of Ian Stone” stars Mike Vogal, Jamie Murray, Christina Cole, along with others who I wont waste my time mentioning. It’s directed by Dario Piana (They Come Out At Night) and written by Brendan Hood (They).

Ian Stone is a man who has to live every day of his life being murdered by unnerving creatures, only to wake up again living a slightly different life. This happens every time the clocks stop and Ian has no idea as to why this is happening to him. Is he just going insane or is he really experiencing death every day? 

“The Deaths of Ian Stone” was one of the 8 Films to Die For featured at 2007’s Horrorfest. The movie starts off with a promising beginning, which is the one and only time that I jumped. Fans of the famous producer and creature effects king Stan Winston probably won’t be too disappointed. He adds to his legacy of creature features which includes the special effects for films such as “Aliens”, “Predator”, “The Relic”, “Lake Placid”, along with many others. Even though this creature film ranks at the bottom of the list of remarkable monster movies created by him, you still have to admire the work of Stan the Man.

I liked the story’s concept, even if it was extremely bizarre and outrageous. The acting done by Mike Vogal as Ian Stone is mediocre and the rest of the acting is just barely passable, but the real stars are the creatures who feed on the fear of people. Death is their ultimate pleasure. This is like an addiction for these ghost-like creatures. Near the end, it started to get really strange. This doesn’t necessarily hurt the film, but it knocks it around a bit. ”The Deaths of Ian Stone” is a movie that’s worth dusting off come Halloween time. The finale is pleasing, which is always a nice thing.

Stan Winston scores once again, creating another creature extravaganza. The only real problem with this film is that it does have a “been there, done that” feeling. The creatures are too similar to the tooth fairy featured in “Darkness Falls”, a creature Stan Winston designed. Can it be true that Stan Winston has run out of ideas. It’s really nothing special, but I certainly recommend that you check out everything that Stan Winston has to offer, whether it is something he produced, directed, or worked on in the special effects or make-up department. This film being at the bottom of that list. 2.5/5 stars

Horton Hears a Who!--"See it I say, see it or you’ll pay with a day of dismay."

“Horton Hears a Who!” stars the voices of Jim Carrey, Steve Carell, Carol Burnett and those who listen closely will recognize the voices of Will Arnett, Seth Rogan, and Jonah Hill. It’s directed by both Jimmy Haywood and Steve Martino and the screenplay was written by Ken Daurio and Cinco Paul (College Road Trip).

Horton (Jim Carrey) is an elephant who lives in the Jungle of Nool, enjoying himself while bathing in the pool. On the fifteenth of May Horton hears a faint yelp, as if a small person were crying for help. This voice came from a speck floating around in the air. A town known as Whoville, with little who’s living on a speck, completely unaware. This takes us to Horton, our hero who is faithful to the end. He himself will work for this speck, containing his tiny friends. Afterall, a person’s is a person, no matter how small.

Taking a book written by the famous Dr. Seuss, the creators of “College Road Trip” create a fun animated film, featuring a lovable character known as Horton. Maybe it was all a bit busy at times, but the message doesn’t evaporate into the hyper pace of the film. Instead, it was made very clear. What makes this a Jim Carrey favorite by critics is the absence of his trademark over-the-top antics performed in his live-action roles. Here, he is unable to perform on screen, giving the critics a break from what they call “annoyance”.

The animation was what you would usually expect from the studio that brought “Ice Age” to the screen, with the exception of a short act that involved Japanese Animation. Jim Carrey stages the voice for Horton, adding a zany and crisp voice to the beloved character. This is a wonderful addition to his creative roles. Horton, being a wild and imaginative character, fits him perfectly. The story stays true to Dr. Seuss. Its never offensive or destroys the moral, like the live action version of “The Cat in the Hat” did so directly and without any remorse. Appealing to a wider audience than Ron Howard’s “How the Grinch Stole Christmas”, this was a feel great movie thats both a charming and lively attempt at stretching a short story into a feature length film. I believe that adults will certainly appreciate this adaption of the great Dr. Seuss story.

I really enjoyed myself during it’s running time. Never once was I bored or did I feel that urge to fix the entire set-up, bringing to mind one terrible Dr. Seuss adaption that I have no need to name. Everything felt like Dr. Seuss in “Horton Hears a Who!”, bringing a legend back to life in the most modern way possible, including some scenes of karate. The narration was dead on and timed just right. See it I say, see it or you’ll pay with a day of dismay. 4.5/5 stars

The Darjeerling Limited--" A strange and unforgettable film that I believe is Wes Anderson’s makeup for his previous disasters."

“The Darjeerling Limited” stars Owen Wilson, Adrien Brody, Jason Schwartzman and features a cameo appearance by Bill Murray. It’s directed by Wes Anderson (The Life Aquatic, The Royal Tenenbaums) and written by Wes Anderson and Roman Coppola.

A story about three brothers, who haven’t spoken to with each other in a year. To bond with together and make things the way they used to be, they set off on a journey through the most spiritual country in the world known as India. During their spiritual journey, they encounter some of the most spiritual places in the world, discover a building relationship in the most clumsy way and become closer than ever.

Wes Anderson introduces us to the best work that he has to offer. Part 1 of the film is titled “The Hotel Chevalier”, which gives us an insight on the character Jack, who I am guessing is the youngest brother. Creator of the terribly unfunny and pointless “The Life Aquatic”, Anderson revives himself here with a minor independent gem. It’s shot smoothly and with a brightly detailed vision. ”The Darjeerling Limited” has a more interesting story than any of Wes’ previous films. Minor flaws, like it being moderately slow and having a somewhat muddled story, are the only things that weigh this movie down.

An awkwardly touching film a director who you have to aquire a taste for. I personally don’t care for him, with the exception for this film. As the camera sways from one character to another, you can’t help but recognize the breakthrough style that Wes displays for the first time. This deserves a viewing, especially for those who are fans of him and his wacky work.  A strange and unforgettable film that I believe is Wes Anderson’s makeup for his previous disasters.

Each character is unique. Jack writes short stories about his experiences and claims they are based on fictional characters, Francis got in an accident and was actually dead for a moment, then revived by two joggers and, and Peter left his pregnant wife home and took things that reminded him of his deceased father, including his prescription sunglasses and useless car keys. Adding to these unique characters presented in the film are rare tunes and the excessive use of slow motion, which I thoroughly enjoyed. This is written so well that it will be difficult to turn away from. 3.5/5 stars

No Country For Old Men--"What could have been a taunt and disturbing thriller ends up being sluggish and with a disappointing aftermath."

“No Country For Old Men” stars Josh Brolin, Javier Bardem, Tommy Lee Jones, and co-stars Woody Harrelson. It’s Directed by Joel and Ethan Cohen, who are credited with the screenplay for this adaption of the Cormac McCarthy novel.

In Texas, a hunter named Llewelyn Moss (Josh Brolin) stumbles upon a drug deal gone terribly wrong. Instead of reporting this to the police, like any normal person would, he decides to take the two million dollars left at the scene. This leaves him wanted by a psychopath (Javier Bardem) and by a soon-to-be retired Sheriff named Ed Tom (Tommy Lee Jones).

The words masterpiece and flawless seemed to be used to describe this movie without hesitation. This is hard to believe as I nearly fell asleep during it. What could have been a taunt and disturbing thriller ends up being sluggish and with a disappointing aftermath. The camera work was swift and the direction was solid, but was the acting really that good? Javier Bardem gives a mannequin like performance that isn’t anywhere near disturbing, repeating lines like “Call it.” among others. This is a role that anyone could’ve achieved compared to the powerful performance by Hal Holbrook.

One of the major problems that this film beholds is it’s absence of a mesmerizing score, or even any score for that matter. Before movies even had sound, they had music. It’s hard to appreciate a film that lacks the oldest form of entertainment. No music equals a yawn here and a sigh there. It’s probably more interesting to read then to watch. I began to lose interest in the dialog, and dialog is what the tasteless ending is composed of. Dare I say that this is a true snoozer. Why did this win best picture of the year? Why did Javier Bardem win best supporting actor, giving a lazy and emotionless performance? It just doesn’t feel right.

I know I am the minority here, but I wasn’t impressed. There are many flaws. One of the most irritating is the lack of any music that would’ve made the film at least mildly suspenseful. The acting was somewhat disappointing, spooning me the impression that anyone could’ve pulled off the stiff performance that won Javier Bardem an academy award. Even the most famous coin-flipping scene was ineffective. It’s sad when I cant even recommend what was crowned the best picture of 2007. 1.5/5 stars

Run, Fatboy, Run: An Early Review--"It’s sentimental without being cheesy, crude without being offensive, and predicable without being aggravating."

“Run, Fatboy, Run” stars Simon Pegg (Shawn of the Dead, Hot Fuzz)and co-stars Thandie Newton, Hank Azaria, and Dylan Moran. It features David Schwimmer’s directorial debut and a script written by Simon Pegg and Michael Ian Black.

David (Simon Pegg) is an out-of-shape slacker who has never finished anything in his entire life and is always running in the wrong direction. Libby (Thandie Newton) was his pregnant fiance that he left five years ago. He regrets this every day of his life, especially when he discovers that Libby has found a friend named Whit, who spends his days running marathons. This encourages David to lose weight and win back his only love.

Simon Pegg stars without his usual co-star Nick Frost. This doesn’t hurt the film, but it certainly doesn’t help any. The film is missing a strong supporting cast to add the side laughs. I had low expectations for “Run Fatboy Run”, but proves to be a more amusing British comedy than “Hot Fuzz”, which was obviously a hit or miss. Simon Pegg doesn’t try really hard to be funny and still managed to throw in consistent chuckles while adding some generally hilarious moments into the mix.

This is the comedy you should see when it’s released in theaters March 28th. This is full of smiles and the occasional belly laughs. The moments that are gut-bustingly funny are disgusting, but stays within the acceptable boundaries. This is a feel good and inspirational movie that many will rave as being a cute romantic comedy that is carried by Simon Pegg’s ability to cause uncontrollable laughter.

With David Schwimmer behind the camera, you would expect this comedy to run itself straight into the dirt. Instead, it’s a steadily entertaining film. There are many flaws, but they just don’t seem to hurt the film entirely. “Run, Fatboy, Run” is an overall delightful movie. It’s sentimental without being cheesy, crude without being offensive, and predicable without being aggravating. That’s an huge accomplishment all it’s own. 3/5 stars.

The Accidental Husband: An Early Review--"I am letting you know months in advance, save your money and see anything else upon it’s meaningless approach to theaters."

“The Accidental Husband” stars Uma Thurman, Colin Firth, and Jeffery Dean Morgan. It’s directed by Griffin Dunne (Practical Magic, Famous) and written by first time writers Mimi Hare and Clare Naylor.

A radio talk show host named Emma Lloyd (Uma Thurman) who sets relationships straight via phone conversations. She advises a caller to break up with her fiance before their wedding date. This sets off a revenge scheme by Patrick Sullivin (Jeffery Dean Morgan), the man who’s wedding she destroyed, to get back at Emma by getting her married to him without her consent. Hence the name. This brings me to an early review for “The Accidental Husband”, being released in theaters in August 2008.

This isn’t an anticipation review, but an anti-anticipation review, meaning don’t be too excited about this soon-to-come disaster. “Charm runs thin” claims Emma Lloyd and she is certainly right, for this romantic comedy lacks even the slightest bit of charm. I don’t even think that this qualifies as rental worthy. If you want to see a decent romantic comedy staring Uma Thurman, go rent “My Super Ex-Girlfriend”. At least that one isn’t torture to sit through and isn’t scarce of even the smallest of chuckles.

Stay away from this one when it hits theaters. The story isn’t even moderately cute and becomes more of an endurance test. One thing is for sure, this was a big time accident. There is absolutely no chemistry to be found between Uma Thurman and Colin Firth. Not since “Shall We Dance” staring Richard Gere and Jennifer Lopez has chemistry been so stagnate. “The Accidental Husband” is guaranteed to get bad reviews when it opens wide in August.

I found myself slapping my cheeks to stay awake, just to see the predictably sappy ending that irritated me more than anything. I could’ve turned this film off fifteen minutes in and tell you how it will end. This aggravated me greatly and certainly made me regret viewing it. I am letting you know months in advance, save your money and see anything else upon it’s meaningless approach to theaters. 1/5 stars

The Bank Job--"I went in with high expectations and came out satisfied. "

“The Bank Job” stars Jason Statham, Saffron Burrows, Stephen Cambell Moore, David Suchet and Keeley Haws. It’s directed by Roger Donaldson (The Getaway, Dante’s Peak) and written by Dick Clement and Ian La Frenais.

Based on a true story about the one of the most notorious bank robberies ever. This 1971 bank robbery resulted in cash and jewelry from safety deposit boxes that was worth over three million dollars. The infamous robbery took place at the Lloyds Bank in Marylebone, London. The robbers use the popular tunneling plan to get into the bank vault and attempt to escape with the money and jewelry.

Heist movies are almost always entertaining because you find yourself rooting for the robbers. This isn’t a bad thing, but more of a guilty pleasure. A chuckle here and there keep the audiences on their toes, but don’t expect a bright and happy film. It’s more of a dark and cunning approach into the heist genre. The first half has the character development, which is a little lacking is depth. Halfway through the film picks up the pace and we have ourselves an undeniably entertaining heist flick.

True stories usually catch my interest and I’m glad I took the time to check this one out. Jason Statham stands on his own here. “Stealing the spotlight” is what I like to call it and he does it well. He does it so well that he keeps the film moving briskly, without tripping over itself. An old-fashioned caper flick that satisfies, but not to the extent of greatness. It’s smart and exciting, but don’t expect the ultimate heist movie, for it’s lacking in a coherent storyline. This effects the film, but not to the point of annoyance.

I went in with high expectations and came out satisfied. This holds up to be solid entertainment and nothing more. It contains a couple intense moments that hold the film together and make it interesting. It’s hard to say that the acting was good because the only actor that really stands out here is Jason Statham, who gives a standard performance. It doesn’t surprise me that this is probably the best film currently playing at the multiplexes, which isn’t saying much. 3/5 stars

Into the Wild--"...a moving and passionate film geared towards reviving a legend in the most superior way possible, and succeeds in just that."

“Into the Wild” stars Emile Hirsh and co-stars Marcia Gay Harden, William Hurt, and Hal Holbrook. It’s screenplay was written by Sean Penn, who also directed this stunning feature.

After graduating from College, Christopher McCandless burns all his money, donates all of his savings to charity, and sets out into the wilderness of Alaska. This leads him to many different characters who change his way of life and help set him in the right direction. These characters include many hippies and a lonely old man who enjoys his company and wants to adopt him.

Emile Hirsh deserved an Oscar nomination for his heroic performance here. This is one of the most memorable performances all year. Keep in mind that this is a character study and that Emile Hirsh had to study this man and his remarkable goal in life in order to capture the true essence of this true life character. The scenery is breathtaking and shot very well. Academy Award Nominee Hal Holbrook gave a emotionally unforgettable performance that might make the eyes a little misty, crowning him the well-deserved nomination he received.

This might be hailed as Sean Penn’s masterpiece. It will be hard to top a film with such power and heart, let alone find a story this riveting. This is one of the best films of 2007 with a poignant and dedicated performance by Hirsh.  A timeless film that will rest in the hearts of many long after viewing it. I will never forget the extraordinary adventure that Christopher McCandless (aka Alexander Supertramp) ensued to reach his goal in life and ultimately leave behind a legend. This is one to watch. One to savor for years to come.

I highly recommend this film, for it was an all around first-rate motion picture. I was thoroughly engaged during it’s entire 140 minute running time. Nominated for two Oscars, including best supporting actor, this was a moving and passionate film geared towards reviving a legend in the most superior way possible, and succeeds in just that. 5/5 stars

Jumper--"I did enjoy it for a brainless superhero movie but it’s just not satisfying enough for a recommendation."

“Jumper” stars Hayden Christensen and co-stars Samuel L. Jackson, and Jamie Bell. The sci/fi actioner is directed by Doug Liman (The Bourne Identity,Mr. and Mrs. Smith) and written by David S. Goyer and Jim Uhls.

David Rice (Hayden Christensen) has a power known as “jumping”. This allows him to teleport himself practically anywhere you can think of, from the top of Mt. Rushmore to the Eiffel Tower. Jumpers also have enemies known as Paladins. Roland Cox (Samuel L. Jackson) is the leader of the Paladins and believes “Only God should have this power”.

This is an outrageous use of the true concept of teleportation, but without the monstrosity there is no entertainment. The special effects are decent but shot a little incoherently. You can’t blame Hayden Christensen for accepting a script sponsoring one of the coolest concepts of mankind. Who wouldn’t want to be the laziest superhero ever, sometimes transporting yourself inches for things like reaching the remote and getting some milk from the refrigerator.

They could have had much more fun with the concept. “Jumper” lacks in consistent action, but is never boring. I never really understood where his powers originated, something that will probably be told in the expected sequel. I am having a hard time remembering how well Samuel L. Jackson’s performance was. His hair distracted me from his acting, which is usually the more demanding role in a movie. Hayden Christensen gives a wooden performance, but works for the slothful role he was assigned.

The cinematography is a little rickety, making the viewers scope out and pin-point where our hero jumped to. Near the end, they finally have a little fun with the concept, jumping something distinguished earlier in the film. This helps the film from being repetitive. The last two minutes should have been placed somewhere in the middle of the film. I did enjoy it for a brainless superhero movie but it’s just not satisfying enough for a recommendation. 2.5/5 stars

Semi-Pro--"Semi-Pro is semi-gray."

“Semi-Pro” stars slapstick comedian Will Ferrell and features a supporting cast that include Woody Harrelson, Will Arnet, Andre Benjamin, and Rob Corddry. This is the directorial debut for Kent Alterman, who was the Executive Producer of “Elf”, and written by Scot Armstrong (Road Trip, Old School).

“Semi-Pro” centers on the crowd pleaser Jackie Moon (Will Ferrell), a well out-of-shape basketball player that resorts to ridiculous stunts to fill in the unoccupied bleachers. After being told that the NBA plans to merge the top four best teams in the ABA at the end of the season into the NBA, Jackie Moon and his team have to dig their way out of last place in order to become an NBA team.

Please excuse my review if it is far less intelligent than my previous ones, I just watch “Semi-Pro”. This is typical Will Ferrell, blurting out obscenities and humiliating himself once again. Some of the scenes end up being fairly funny (although most of these scenes are played out). Woody Harrelson is surprisingly humorless here. Whats wrong with “Semi-Pro” is that it all feels like a Will Ferrell re-run, basically using the same tired material that’s been evident in his previous films, such as “Anchorman” and “Talladega Nights”.

The basketball scenes are shot poorly. Will Ferrell tries his hardest here, (as always) but falls short of creating a memorable comedy. Just seconds after watching it, I forgot the funny parts. The second-rate editing was what really ruined the comedic timing of the jokes. I was never really a fan of Will Ferrell, but after “Blades of Glory”, I thought I would give “Semi-Pro” a chance. I should’ve just avoided it. Why doesn’t it take me by surprise that Andre Benjamin was funnier than Will Ferrell? Maybe it’s because Will Ferrell is the same as always here, bringing nothing new to the table. One thing is for sure, Will Ferrell displays the greatest fro on earth.

Skip it, unless you have a crass sense of humor, which I hope you don’t. The ending was predictable and completely inane. The first half of the movie is semi-funny, but it’s not long before all of this becomes exhausting. This is a pretty decent directorial debut, but I was expecting more from a guy who has previous experience in movies, being a executive producer and all. My suggestion to Will Ferrell is to stop making sports comedies, they are getting old. Semi-Pro is semi-gray. 2/5 stars

Heavy Metal 2000--"Watch the original, but bypass this disappointing one way ticket to midnight."

“Heavy Metal 2000″ stars the many unfamiliar voices that aren’t even worth the time naming. It’s directed by Michael Coldewey and Michel Lemire and the dreadful screenplay was written by R. Payne Cabeen and Carl Macek.

This follow-up to the near masterpiece “Heavy Metal” doesn’t even associate to the original. The plot is such a mess, involving a glowing crystal that turns those who encounter it insane, a snot-nosed monster, dinosaurs with pierced nipples, and six eyed warrior. As you can understand, I had a hard time being aware of what was going on, let alone get the time to meet the characters individually. Leaving me with the review for this crappy movie.

The story was incoherent and lacking the traits of the 1981 original. What happened to the good music? No Black Sabbath, Blue Oyster Cult, or Sammie Hagar? The music featured here is nothing but loud and obnoxious. It does have three dimensional animation, but lacks three dimensional characters. All of the effort here was put into the visuals and none of it towards character development.

The first fifteen minutes of “Heavy Metal 2000″ is much more gory than the entire running time of it’s antecedent “Heavy Metal”. This is just a result at how much work was put into the violence and not the storyline. I found myself impatiently waiting for the trademark song “Heavy Metal” performed by Sammy Hagar. I was sorely disappointed when it was never played. It’s plain and simple, this just should’ve never been made.

“Heavy Metal 2000″ ends up being a major disappointment. This includes everything from the animation that was much too busy, to the sketchy sound effects. The music is beyond bad and the whole thing becomes tired after the first five minutes. Watch the original, but bypass this disappointing one way ticket to midnight. 1/5 stars

Four Rooms--"In the long run, the first story falls flat with it’s outrageous concept, the second is mediocre at best, the third is an entertaining romp, and the last is pure gold. "

Four Rooms” stars Tim Roth and co-stars many stars including Madonna, Antonio Banderas, Kathy Griffin, and Quentin Tarantino. Salma Hayek even has a cameo appearance as the TV Dancing Girl in the segment “The Misbehaviors”.

The movie opens with a retiring bellboy handing his job over to the flamboyant Ted the Bellboy (Tim Roth). The four tales take place all on New Year’s Eve at the Mon Signor Hotel. Four connecting stories told by four of the hottest Indie filmmakers around. Ted’s first night on the job, he encounters a coven of witches, a man who believes that Ted the Bellboy slept with his wife, a Mexican gangster who bribes him to watch his kids, and finally a group of friends who make an unforgettable wager. Along the way, Ted the Bellboy is getting large tips along with an unforgettable New Year.

First story is titled “The Missing Ingredient”, written and directed by Alison Anders. This sketch has a outrageous concept involving male fluids of the overly dramatic Ted the Bellboy. Other than having a few topless hotties, this short story didn’t interest me. If you can get pass this strange and disappointing ritual done by the erotic coven of witches, you will discover that the rest of the movie is uphill from there.

The next story is titled “The Wrong Man”, written and directed by Alexandre Rockwell. This act easily crowns the first by a large margin by introducing us to Sigfried, a pill munching psycho who believes that Ted the Bellboy had an affair with his wife Angela (Jennifer Beals). Apart from Angela ranting off a list of slang terms pertaining to the male organ and being introduced to the high-powered character Sigfried, it still disappoints by leaving me confused in the end.

The third story is titled “The Misbehaviors”, written and directed by Robert Rodriguez. They just keep getting better as they go along. At least this one is a more entertaining segment than the last two bleak tales. A gangster looking to have a good time with his wife, pays Ted the Bellboy a total of five hundred dollars to watch after his mischievous children. The ending is sure to make you crack a grin.

The last story is titled “The Man from Hollywood”, written and directed by Quentin Tarantino. The most interesting and satisfying of the four skits, involving a group of wasted middle aged men who made a wager and want sober, clear eyed Ted the Bellboy to be their so-called “dice man”. Filled with Tarantino’s dialog, style and wit, this routine has a climax that is unsuspected and surely jaw-dropping.

In the long run, the first story falls flat with it’s outrageous concept, the second is mediocre at best, the third is an entertaining romp, and the last is pure gold. One thing is for sure, Ted the Bellboy gets rich in tips at the end. This leaves me to the conclusion that I only recommend this for hardcore Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino fans like myself. 3/5 stars

Black Rain--"This has got to be the most stylish character Michael Douglas has portrayed in his career."

“Black Rain” stars Michael Douglas, Andy Garcia, and co-stars Ken Takakura, and Kate Capshaw. It’s directed by the three time Oscar Nominated director Ridley Scott and written by Craig Bolotin and Warren Lewis.

After arresting a member of the Yakuza, two New York cops (Michael Douglas and Andy Garcia) are ordered to escort him back to Japan. Once arriving in Japan, the two cops are tricked and the convict escapes. In search of the Yakuza member, they are lured deep into the underground world of Japan, the center of the Japanese Mafia.

This has got to be the most stylish character Michael Douglas has portrayed in his career. He just reeks with coolness through the whole movie. The film opens with him riding a motorcycle, wearing a leather jacket and sunglasses, and a cigarette dangling out the left side of his mouth. You know, the type of guy who has a hard time saying “thanks”. Michael Douglas rules this character, taking the public eye away from veteran actor Andy Garcia. Some of the dialog is bland but, once in a while Michael Douglas blurts out a few intelligent one-liners.

It’s got a dimly lit and foggy atmosphere, non-stop action, and is highly entertaining. These are the many things that gives it the feeling of a Ridley Scott film. It also has a few explosions here and there. Not to mention, it’s chalk full of gunfire. The multiple chase scenes and shootouts are shot with style. Ridley Scott turns an otherwise mediocre movie into a damn good one. It could have been cut a little shorter, but the pace is snappy enough that it doesn’t feel long.

The fight scenes are intense, and who wouldn’t want to see Michael Douglas take names. This isn’t the best Ridley Scott film, but it certainly isn’t his worst. He accomplished an undeniably entertaining feature here. With some experience in working with films involving police (i.e. “Someone to Watch Over Me”), I think it’s safe to say that Ridley Scott has found his genre. 4/5 stars

Welcome to the Dollhouse--"A smart and harrowing work of art that takes you back to the torturous time known as Junior High."

“Welcome to the Dollhouse” stars Heather Matarazzo, Brandon McCarthy Jr., Daria Kalinina, Mathew Faber, and many other unknowns. It’s written and directed by Tod Solondz, who directed the widely overlooked film “Fear, Anxiety, and Depression”.

Dawn Wiener (Heather Matarazzo) is a homely 7th grader who is constantly ridiculed at school because of her appearance. Her older brother has a band with a lead singer that is in High School who Dawn falls in love with, but is soon rejected for a older, more attractive woman. Her younger sister is favored by her parents and is always getting Dawn in trouble. This leads to many difficult situations that this young girl has to face, all in her tender preteen years.

This is heavy material to be working with. It examines the disturbing look at a tormented girl’s struggle to survive the bitter world of adolescence. This was a supremely casted picture, featuring a young and all around talented cast. This is a harsh and sobering adult dramedy with a very well written script. The young Heather Matarazzo is the real spotlight here, proving her comfort on screen by seeming unaware that the camera is on her most of the time. This isn’t only a successful attempt at telling a honest and powerful story that is sure to be engaging, but it is also timidly disturbing.

One of the main reasons why independent films are usually so great is because they are rarely trite and usually very well done. While some of the scenes are mildly funny, others are horrifyingly realistic. Director Tod Solondz puts on screen a disturbingly thought-provoking film that is both honest and frightening. Don’t be surprised if you feel like the ending was incomplete. I pretty sure this is what Solondz wanted.

This movie is much too awkward to dislike. It is a little bit vapid here and there, but it’s mostly engaging from beginning to end. This is a strong film that’s a shockingly accurate portrait at how cruel kids can be to one another and how deeply this effects them. A smart and harrowing work of art that takes you back to the torturous time known as Junior High. 4.5/5 stars

Slacker--"The script felt like something written by a slacker with no intention on making anything meaningful."

“Slacker” stars many unusual characters, one played by the writter, director and producer of the film Richard Linklater. This 1991 cult favorite is basically just a handful of stories and theories conjoined to make a film.

The film takes place in Austin, Texas where the film chronicles the lives of many ecentric characters. These characters include a paranoid dilusional who believes that the moon has been inhabited by humans since the 50’s, a disturbed man who deliberately kills his mother, and a group of kids who rig a coke machine to get free soda and sell it at half price.

Richard Linklater’s directorial debut is talky with a tedious pace. Not only is it slow, but none of this makes much sense. Very few of the theories shared in the film are interesting, leaving the viewers disoriented and feeling lost. This is just random thoughts shared through the lens of a camera, giving me the impression that anyone could have made this movie. Not only is it a seemingly boring film, it also has nothing amusing other than the unique way it was shot.

There certainly is some talent to be found in this director, who ends up making much better films than this one in his career of filmmaking. With no conflict, the film is lacking in excitement and the flair needed to establish the cult classic status it tried so hard to grasp. Considered a cult favorite by many critics and movie fans, this is a hard film to comprehend with, leaving a stale and disappointing aftermath.

Take my advice and skip it. The ending makes less sense than the entirety of the film, leaving nothing much to talk about besides the pointless notion contained in the picture. The most interesting converstion last about one minute and was the opening scene. The script felt like something written by a slacker with no intention on making anything meaningful. 1.5/5 stars

Thumbsucker--"This quirky drama puts forth a strong effort and comes out with some flaws and minor quirks, but overall it has it’s heart in the right place."

. “Thumbsucker” stars Lou Taylor Pucci, Vincent D’Onofrio, Kellie Garner, Keanu Reeves and co-stars Vince Vaughn and Tilda Swinton. It’s written and directed by first-timer Mike Mill and was entered in the 2005 Sundance Film Festival.

Justin Cobb is a seventeen year old boy with a the habit of sucking his thumb, hence the name “Thumbsucker”. His mother, who is an ordinary wife with a crush on a TV star, doesn’t have much of a problem with Justin sucking his thumb, but his father scolds him for his childlike habit. His orthodontist (Keanu Reeves) knows about his horrible secret and resort to hypnosis. This works but his school insists that Justin is diagnosed with ADD and is put on medication.

The medication prescribed to him makes him more confident in himself and helps him win debate competitions. At first, this film seemed to be relishing the use of medication. Once you get passed the halfway point, you will soon realize that it’s not celebrating the use of drugs, but prohibiting it. The film starts off mediocre and starts to get really good, breaking through that wall of boredom after the twenty minute mark. I was actually expecting some humor added to the mix, but truthfully this is a full-on off-beat drama.

The performances are strong all around, although some stand out more than others. These include the breakthrough performance by Lou Taylor Pucci as the dysfunctional teen, Vince Vaughn in rare form as the debate teacher, and Keanu Reeves gives off a creepy vibe as the hippy-like orthodontist. It does have a slow pace that never picks up, which makes the film feel much longer than it actually is, creating a minor bore.

I did enjoy this film to some extent. The slow pace might induce a few yawns here and there, but the honest story should be enough to keep viewers interested. The film never completely climaxes, which is the one true glitch this film has. This quirky drama puts forth a strong effort and comes out with some flaws and minor quirks, but overall it has it’s heart in the right place. 3/5 stars

Snakes on a Plane--"CGI overload with nothing to deliver than it's memorable title."

“Snakes on a Plane” stars Samuel L. Jackson, Julianna Margulies, Nathan Phillips, and co-stars one of my favorite actresses, Lin Shaye. It’s directed by David R. Ellis (Final Destination 2, Cellular) and is written by John Hefernan and Sebastian Gutierrez.

A FBI agent named Neville Flynn (Samuel L. Jackson) must escort a witness on a plane headed for Los Angeles. There is only one problem. An assassin, who has revenge set on his mind, deliberately releases a crate full of many poisonous snakes on the plane. As one by one the passengers die, the target witness will soon be the next victim. Determined to get his witness to Los Angeles alive, FBI agent Neville Flynn must fight against the odds and safely land the plane in LA.

I hate the fact that this is the second Samuel L. Jackson movie (The first one being “Freedomland”) that made my list of worst movies of 2006. This just never lived up to all the hype and ended up being a laughably bad and very disappointing feature film. Another movie that made tons of money off of it’s insanely catchy movie title. “Snakes on a Plane” features some of the laziest Computer Generated Images I have ever seen.

Actually being categorized as horror by some, this was a totally overblown thanks to the internet hype. I found it funny that the snakes always attacked the private parts of the passengers. Was it suppose to be a satire? I am not really to sure, but it definitely wasn’t scary. With two of my favorite actors, (Samuel L. Jackson and Lin Shaye) this was a highly dampening movie experience that I regret viewing.

Keep your distance from this good-for-nothing film. If it weren’t for Samuel L. Jackson’s presence in the movie and the intriguing title, I would have probably avoided this one. If real snakes were used, it might have been more intense and scary. Scary being the definitive word here. Otherwise, the unrealistic effects make this movie unintentionally funny and scare-free. Not to mention the unconvincing and weak characters. CGI overload with nothing to deliver other than it’s memorable title. 1/5 stars

The Descent--"...a better version of The Cave"

“The Descent” stars a all female cast that includes Shauna Macdonald, Natalie Jackson Mendoza, Alex Reid, Saskia Mulder, MyAnna Buring. It is written and directed by Neil Marshall. Just about every actress on the screen are above standard for a horror flick.

After a horrible car accident that results in her husband’s untimely death, a woman and her friends reunite to explore an unmarked cave. When the group gets trapped in the cave, they find out that they aren’t alone. Each of them are being hunted by bloodthirsty creatures called “Crawlers”. Now the group must find a way out of the cave before they are torn into pieces by the caves inhabitants.

This has to be one of the most claustrophobic horror movies ever made. The lighting of the film was done very well. It’s never too dark to tell what is going on, which is one of the most irritating aspects of recent horror movies. The monsters were done with no CGI to my knowledge. That alone scores some major points. Make-up artists Paul Hyatt and Vicki Lang create some of the creepiest and unthinkable movie monsters.

Neil Marshall, writter and director of “Dog Soldiers”, just might be one of the few filmmakers who can take a rehashed storyline and make it into a extordiany fright fest full of gore and great visuals. I give credit to each actress for their remarkably genuine performances. “The Descent” has all the ingredients to make a brilliant horror movie, except for that let-down of an ending.

Overall, this is a better version of “The Cave”, considering it had much better special effects and seemed less like a movie set. Those who are claustrophobic should be warned in advance, for they might find themselves out of breath. “The Descent” will satisfy those who are looking for tense and breathtaking horror with unimaginable creatures. Contains enough blood to appease the extreme gore-hounds. The ending, which is the most important part of any movie, is what really makes the film lose a large amount of acclaim from me and many others. 3.5/5 stars

Lady in the Water-"M. Night Shamalyan's first true misfire and simply the worst film of 2006."-

“Lady In The Water” stars overlooked actor Paul Giamatti (Sideways), and Bruce Dallas Howard, known for her breakthrough performance in “The Village”. Written, directed, and produced by M. Night Shyamalan, this is his most insufficient film yet.

An apartment superintendant find a woman named Story swimming in his outdoor pool. This mysterious woman claims to be a “Narf” in need of help. Being chased by a creature called a “Scrunt”. This underwater lady must find her way back to the Blue World and the only way to do this is by flight of an eagle that is suppose to come and rescue her. With the help of the stuttering superintendent, she hope to make it back to her water-dwelling world.

When the opening scene is the best scene in a movie, you know something went drastically wrong. I was very engaged from the opening scene with the hieroglyphics. The movie was slowly paced and the directing was top-notch sleaziness. All of M. Night Shamalyan’s films have been going downhill, but this one hits rock bottom, giving me confidence to say that everything from here is uphill. A very tame and spiritless film from a very subtle filmmaker. An embarrassing attempt at making a worth while movie experience.

Having such a disappointing and discouraging ending, once again felt riped-off by renting this bedtime movie. It will put you to sleep if you have a bad case of insomnia. Don’t expect to be shocked, amazed, or even in this case entertained by any moment in the movie. The trailer made it seem like a horror movie, when in fact it is more like a poorly written children’s story. This gives me confidence that his next film can’t be any worse than this one. A fluke and a total mess of a movie.

With a hefty amount of razzie nominations under it’s belt, I would have to say this was worst than any other movie made that year. A completely absurd film. The underdeveloped screenplay and horrendously bad acting proves that M. Night Shyamalan had no idea as to what he was doing. Bad dialog and careless acting as if they were forced to play the roles. What a sinker this movie turned out to be. M. Night Shyamalan’s first true misfire and simply the worst film of 2006. 1/5 stars

Wind Chill--"This is clearly a shot to the wallet by George Clooney and Stephen Soderbergh."

“Wind Chill” stars Emily Blunt, Ashton Holmes and many other rarely seen actors and actresses. This horror/thriller is Greg Jacobs directorial debut, which isn’t really that bad of a start. It is produced by George Clooney and Stephen Soderbergh, which is what peeked my interest.

During the holiday season, a woman gets a ride home from a stranger she meet through college. Everything seems fine until one decides to take what he claims is a shortcut. A mysterious truck that causes them to crash into a snow bank on a highway that is haunted by priests. The couple on now stuck on a deserted highway, trapped in a snow drift. In dire need of food and warmth, they decide to try to get to a gas station or a phone for help.

The whole film starts off slothful and never really picks up the pace. The script felt like it was rushed. I don’t think you ever know the names of the main characters, more reasons to care less. Every scene within the film is foreshadowed and therefore lacks the suspense that makes horror movies scary. This is clearly a shot to the wallet by George Clooney and Stephen Soderbergh . The so-called “spirits” do absolutely nothing but look creepy. The powerhouse performance by Emily Blunt is about the only acclaim I am giving this movie. What do you expect with an empty script and nothing for the actors to work with.

The first half of the film has the couple bickering. The dialog has zero wit to keep viewers interested, so you might find yourself dozing off before the second half. A very moronic screenplay which holds this first-time director back. Every so often the movie tells the viewers what time of day it is to hopefully keep viewers awake. Just more proof to how rushed this movie felt. The story-telling was somewhat confusing at times and felt I cheated when the ending rolled around.

“Wind Chill” has characters you could care less about and a sappy script. Suffers from the worst thing any horror movie can imagine, it’s predictable. With a bizarre ending that will disappoint it’s audience rather than disturb them. Don’t waste your time with this extremely boring, yes I said boring, horror thriller. Never captivates nor chills us as it was intended to. No suspense or thrills are to be found in the 91 minute running time of “Wind Chill”. The only decent thing I can say about “Wind Chill” is that it was (thanks to the exceptionally well performance by Emily Blunt) watchable. 1.5/5 stars

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind--"This is a film you wont want erased from your memory anytime soon."

“Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” stars Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet, and co-stars Elijah Wood, Kirsten Dunst, and Tom Wilkinson. It’s directed by Michel Gondry, who’s upcoming movie titled “Be Kind Rewind” looks as unique as this one.

Joel Barish (Jim Carrey) is a man who is devastated by the fact that his girlfriend Clementine (Kate Winslet) has gone through with a surgery that erased him from her memories. Joel then realizes that he is miserable without her and decides to erase Clemintine from his memory. As Joel watches each and every memory that they had disappear during the procedure, he then notices that he still loves her and will do anything not to erase her.

Let me start by saying that Jim Carrey has made the career choice of a life by staring in “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind”, a uniquely perfected portrait of true love. Expertly written and a one-of-a-kind masterpiece. I usually don’t bother with romance movies, but I am glad to have finally seen this ingenious work of art. A moving tale with remarkable imagination combined with distinctive chemistry between Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet.

Every scene held my interest and was played out perfectly. The warped mind of director Michel Gondry has such a gripping perspective that really shows itself off in this quirky and distinctive romantic drama. Kate Winslet was nominated for her lovable role as Clementine and writers Charlie Kaufman and Michel Gondry won a well deserved Oscar for Original Screenplay. This is the best film that Jim Carrey has been in along with Kate Winslet, who is absolutely stupendous here.

“Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” is in the line of work that only a director with such spirited imagination as Michel Gondry could accomplish. Not only is this film sheer brilliance, but it opens our mind to a whole new dimension, more complex than anything you have ever experienced. This is a good thing. To top it all off, I loved the ending. This is a film that you wont want erased from your memory. 5/5 stars

Superbad--"A dirty and disgusting look at this generation of teens."

“Superbad” stars Jonah Hill, Michael Cera, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, and co-stars Seth Rogan and Bill Hader. This raunchy comedy is directed by Greg Mottella and is produced by the legendary Judd Apatow.

Seth (Jonah Hill) and Evan (Michael Cera) are best friends who get lucky enough to be invited to a party. The only problem is that they promised to bring alcohol. With the help of their friend Fogell (Christopher Mintz-Plasse), and his fake ID. Seth is determined to provide alcohol for Jules’ party because he believes that the only way he can have sex is if she is drunk. Everything they plan goes wrong once Fogell, also known as McLovin, gets caught up with a couple of slacker cops who are impressed with his taste for alcohol and his aptitude to take a punch.

This may all sound very funny, especially after all of the praise that it is getting. The truth is that the movie goes overboard with the foul language and potty humor. A very unpleasant film. Between the overlong penis/lunch box joke and the not so funny references to vaginas, this film was extremely offensive at times. It may work for some, but for me it was just plain vulgar and rude. Crude and discourteous in the most perverted way. Just one long dirty joke. Not funny.

I had high expectations for this film, thanks to the hilarious trailer and the remarkable reviews it was receiving. This is one of the most overrated comedies since “Borat”. The distasteful lowbrow humor is present constantly throughout the film, proving the immaturity of the writers. It’s sad how people can think that this is actually funny. One of the years worst films from my point of view and I know almost everyone will disagree with me here.

Angry is how I felt while watching this movie. A dirty and disgusting look at this generation of teens. I have never seen a movie with such foul language that proves how low standard our society is. Goes overboard with the language and sexual references to the male and female genitals. The title fits the film perfectly. If you really enjoy some of the foulest and most perverted films, then I think Superbad will be your movie of the year. 1.5/5 stars

The Hills Have Eyes (2006)--"Skip this one and rent the original."

“The Hills Have Eyes” stars Aaron Stanford, Kathleen Quinlan, Vinessa Shaw, Emilie de Ravin, and Dan Byrd. Alexandre Aja (High Tension) directed this remake of the 1967 low budget Wes Craven film of the same name.

The film starts off showing nuclear testing sites and the effects that they cause on nearby citizens. The government commanded that everyone evacuate the area, but many miners refused to evacuate their homes and were exposed to the radiation caused by the testing. Those who survived became deformed monsters who survive in the mountains of the desert on tourists who pass by. The Carter family seemed to be their next victims in “The Hills Have Eyes”.

I was very excited to see this remake of one of my favorite horror movies of the 60’s. One of the main reasons why I was gravely disappointed. Alexandre Aja’s directorial debut, “High Tension”, was a masterpiece. Remakes just don’t fit Aja’s style of work. Executive producer Wes Craven, puts forth a remake of a film he knows won’t be topped, just making his original version all the better. I really thought that Alexandre, a director who has actually made my heart stop, could pull this one off.

Acting was somewhat impressive and the scenery is appealing. Putting more money into the film for more “realistic” makeup effects just didn’t seem to work. It actually made the movie feel more idealistic. I am far from hating the film, I just thought that it could’ve been a lot better. There are some really intense moments and some gruesome effects that adequately makes up for the main flaw of most remakes, it’s not better than the original.

I wouldn’t recommend this for fans of the original because they will be sorely disappointed. If you haven’t seen the original, I suggest it over this needless remake. I warn everyone who saw the original, that you might predict scene for scene what will happen next. Lacking the creepiness of the original that I was highly anticipated for. Skip this one and rent the original. 2/5 stars

Waitress--"Qualifies as overrated for me."

“Waitress” stars a high caliber cast that includes Keri Russell, Nathan Fillion, Cheryl Hines, Jeremy Sisto, Andy Griffith, and Adrienne Shelly. It takes place during a woman’s pregnancy and her unhappy marriage.

Jenna (Keri Russell) is a waitress working in the small town restuaruant “Joe’s Diner”. Jenna has a passion for making pies. Many different pies with some strange names. Her controllable husband, Earl, takes her hard earned money and spends it on himself. This keep Jenna from winning the pie baking contest for $25,000, and ends up having an affair with her married gynecologist who believes in her attempt at happiness.

“Waitress” is written and directed by Adrienne Shelly, who appears in the co-staring role as Dawn. This is a decent film, but highly overrated by many. I felt like I was watching a Soap Opera. This is not a good thing for me. The acting was on par for the most part. Keri Russell gives what will probably be the performance of her career. This and the directing are the only film aspects that I can think of that peeked my interest throughout the movie.

“Waitress” is full of dysfunctional characters that I can’t see anyone relating to. This might be one of my main reasons for disliking the movie, but that doesn’t stop the fact that waitress will find many that will actually say this is a great movie. I did like how unique some of her “dream pies” were. That is one of the positive things about “Waitress”, the uncommon imagination behind it all. The fact that Keri Russell and Nathan Fillion have great chemistry doesn’t hurt the movie.

Good acting but I still don’t see what all the fuss is about. Other than the acting, the movie is too quirky for it’s own good. I think that “Waitress” will find it’s audience, but I am surprised at how many people thought that this was a great movie. This is why it made my Top 5 Most Overrated Films of 2007. I didn’t hate it, but I didn’t like it. The acting and the individual imagination of Adrienne Shelly is about all this strange and unusual dramedy has to offer. It was a hard choice, but it qualifies as overrated for me. 2.5/5 stars

Popcorn--"A more sadistic version of Matinee."

“Popcorn” has a cast that includes Jill Schoelen, Tom Villard, De-Wallace Stone, Derek Rydall, Tony Roberts, and Ray Walston, mostly unknowns. This doesn’t effect the fact that “Popcorn” was well worth watching.

The film centers around a group of students who set up an all night horror festival to raise funds for the film club. The horror festival includes a bunch of old school horror flicks from the 50’s shown in implements such as 3-D, Odorama, and shockorama. Little does the group know that they are being stalked by a psycho path. A filmmaker named Laynard Gates, who murdered his family on stage during the screening of his only horror movie “The Possessor”. Now he is in search of his missing daughter to finish off the family tree.

This low budget horror film is one that I had bought during a clearance sale and finally got around to watching it. Directed by Mark Herrier, commonly known for his role as Billy in the 1982 comedy hit “Porky’s”, who went on to direct the 2004’s “I Like Mike”. Don’t expect a lot of gore, but do expect to mind warped horror comedy. The word “good” comes to mind more often than the word “scary”. This is an overlooked horror film that was well worth the discovery.

One scene I thought was done so well that I got the goosebumps. This is one of the major accomplishments that this film pulled off. I also liked Tom Villard as the maniac in the film. The make-up used on Tom Villard was appealing in many way. One is the many faces that the lunatic stretches over his face near the end. Some of the kills were very energetic and intense for a low budget film such as this. I would have to say that this movie has earned my recommendation for a midnight viewing.

“Popcorn” is a more sadistic version of “Matinee”. Lacking in gore just may be the only major issue here. When it comes to low budget horror films, they usually rely on more gore to make up for the cheap set design. This movie, on the other hand, had no need to resort to buckets of blood to make a enjoyable independent horror movie. Although, buckets of blood would have added to the more pleasures that “Popcorn” has in store. Check this one out, if you can ever find it. 3.5/5 stars

Underdog--"Underdog is a big step up from the horrible and dreadful Zoom, so at least it has that under it’s belt."

“Underdog” stars Alex Neuberger, James Belushi, Peter Dinklage, and the voice of Jason Lee. The film is directed by Frederik Du Chau and written by Adam Rifkin and Joe Piscatella. This is a movie that is family friendly and good for the kids.

When a beagle gets fired from the police force for sniffing out ham rather than a bomb, he gets discovered by the mad scientist named Dr. Simon Barsinister (Peter Dinklage). This mean and hateful plans to inject the dog with a elixir. The dog makes for an escape and ends up being drenched in a chemical. This gives him supernatural powers and becomes Underdog, a crime fighting superdog.

It is hard for me to say the reasons for liking this film. Maybe because my expectations were low enough that I was never really disappointed. The story was taken from the 1964 cartoon of the same name. If your a fan of the cartoon, which I don’t know too many actual “fans”, you will probably be disappointed. Mainly because the voice of Jason Lee is nothing like the voice of Wally Cox, who was the voice of the original Underdog cartoon and it is never really funny.

Yeah, it’s cheesy at times, but it’s harmless fun. I am usually entertained by James Belushi movies because they are usually manageable. I know some of the jokes are gimpy and the flatulence humor is stale. There’s just something about it that makes it surprisingly watchable and somewhat enjoyable. It must be that cute little beagle.

The film contains many characters from the original cartoon, which is something that this movie desperately needed to be somewhat successful. A fun and enjoyable family film with some delectable characters, but I just can’t seem to get over some of the crippled jokes. What more do you expect from the writer of “Zoom”? This is your basic family entertainment. Nothing more, nothing less. “Underdog” is a big step up from the horrible and dreadful “Zoom”, so at least it has that under it’s belt. 2.5/5 stars

Juno--"The best Independent film I have ever seen and possibly the best film of 2007."

The quirky comedy “Juno” stars Ellen Page (Hard Candy), Michael Cera (Superbad), and co-stars J.K. Simmons, Allison Janney, Jennifer Garner, and Jason Bateman. Each character presented in “Juno” is what makes this film so original.

This coming-of-age tale revolves around the unplanned pregnancy of a sixteen year old girl (Ellen Page) and the particular choice that she makes with her unborn child. Juno McGuff is a one of a kind character who has a growing relationship with Paulie Bleeker (Michael Cera). Juno decides to find the perfect couple to take care of her infant. This independent masterpiece has a total of four academy award nominations under it’s belt, all of which it deserves.

Constantly intelligent, funny, and unique. “Juno” is an off-beat comedy with an uncommon group of characters, each with their own crowning personalities. Independent films, like “Juno”, usually get overlooked when it comes to a theater wide release. I appreciate as much as I enjoy every moment this film has to offer, from Juno McGuff’s odd hamburger phone to her bizarre, colorful sox. Everything in the film was drawn out perfectly.

Ellen Page, who was neglected any awards for her role in “Hard Candy”, finally gets appreciated for a more individual role. This is a role that takes a lot of heart and soul, a feat that Page pulls off with no complication. Michael Cera plays a loving and innocent character that fits perfectly for this witty and unfamiliar film. A very simple movie that grips you from the very beginning. Director Jason Reitman works well with the cast and this extraordinary topic.

Everyone should see “Juno”. Never will you see a film like this one, spinning you into a world of bright and mesmerizing songs and individuals. A remarkable gem that will strike a cord with thousands of movie fans and film critics. Unforgettable and timeless monument of cinematic treasure. The best Independent film I have ever seen and possibly the best film of 2007. 5/5 stars

The Invasion--"It has just enough shuddersome moments to earn a recommendation. Just don’t expect to be blown away."

“The Invasion”, a remake of the 1956 film “Invasion Of The Body Snatchers”, stars Nicole Kidman, Daniel Craig, Jeffery Wright, and Jackson Bond. Directed by Oliver Hirschbiegel (Downfall, The Experiment), this is a needless, but somehow worthy remake.

The film first starts off with Carol Bennell (Nichole Kidman) and her son Oliver (Jackson Bond) trapped in a pharmacy getting all the pills that help you stay awake. The reason for this is because if she ends up dozing off, then she will become “one of them”. Carol Bennell starts to notice something very strange about the many people around her. This all occurred during the strange crash landing of a space shuttle, unaware that the shuttle contains organisms that attach to your body and turn you into something your not.

I ended up being one of the handful of people who thought that this was worth discovering. The whole film had an eerie feeling to it that didn’t seem to wear off. This doesn’t live up to the 1956 or the 1978 versions, but it’s surprisingly cohesive. This is a crucial aspect for such a remake. The special effects are nourishing to look at, giving it the film an alien characteristic that was desperately needed. A surprisingly stylish and effectively creepy Sci/Fi Thriller.

The film is slow sometimes and would have worked better with some more briskly pace moments pertaining to the alien attacks. This is where the films quirks came into play. Where there are moments that are shot very well, others seem to drag on and probably should’ve ended up on the cutting room floor. I blame this on poor editing. Not to mention the ending didn’t really win me over.

This is one of the better unnecessary remakes that have been made recently. This actually is creepy at times, which is a minor success. Nicole Kidman gives a convincing performance and the atmosphere lured me in from the beginning. It may not be great, but it is quality Sci/Fi entertainment. It has just enough shuddersome moments to earn a recommendation. Just don’t expect to be blown away. 3/5 stars

The Ten--"The Ten is far from a ten, it’s more like a three."

“The Ten” stars a line of actors and actresses that include Winona Ryder, Paul Rudd, Oliver Platt, Adam Brody, Jessica Alba, and many more well knowns. The film is composed of ten stories, each of them resembling one of the ten commandments.

The first story is about a guy who fall out of a plane and accidentally become a legend. The second is about a woman who has a sexual relationship with a local in Mexico. The third story who killed a patient as a goof. The fourth is about a police detective who envys his neighbor’s Cat Scan machine. The fifth is about a mother who resorts to a Arnold Schwarzenegger impersonator to be the father figure of her sons. The sixth is about a prisoner who covets his fellow inmates so called “wife”. The seventh story is about a woman who falls in love with a ventriloquist and then steals his puppet. The eighth story is about a rhino who learns the downfalls of gossip. The ninth story is about a man who skips going to church with his family and decides gets naked with his friends. And finally the tenth story is about a guy named Jeff who is struggling with his own moral problem: having to choose between his gorgeous wife and his also gorgeous but somewhat younger lover.

If you just read above, then you probably came to the conclusion that this is one very strange movie. From the director of “Wet Hot American Summer”, this film was all random skits poorly pieced together, like a bunch of Mad TV skits rather than a movie. Absurdly uneven and painful to sit through, this never lives up to it’s biblical expectations.

Utterly pointless comedy that should have delivered a few well oiled laughs from its well know cast, but failed to do so. I was expecting to get something amusing but instead I got a movie that had a handful of ridiculously deluding moments. If your in the mood for some really strange goofiness, then “The Ten” won’t disappoint. Two of the Ten segments in “The Ten” are sort of funny, while the rest is just downright aimless that might leave you scratching your head rather than laughing your ass off. One of those hit-or-miss comedies that ends up missing more than it hits.

I wouldn’t recommend this movie if your in the mood for a smart and witty comedy about the ten commandments. “The Ten” is a brainless comedy that failed to make me laugh, as comedies are intended to. Lets call this an endurance test. If you can sit through three of the ten “comedic” segments, then you did better than many. “The Ten” is far from a ten, it’s more like a three. 1.5/5 stars

This Film Has Not Yet Rated--"Give it up for Kirby Dick, the film-makers hero and legend."

“This Film Is Not Yet Rated”, which was stamped with a NC-17 rating as well as many others, is a documentary that centers on the MPAA rating system. The Motion Picture Association of America is one of the few Top Secret association in the world who decides what film gets the following ratings: G, PG, PG-13, R, and the feared NC-17 rating. If you really have a passion for movies, then this one won’t disappoint. You will have an entirely different perspective on movies.

Film-maker Kirby Dick has backbone to create a documentary based on the powerful MPAA ratings board. This I will give him credit for. His point is made vaguely with wit. Very important documentary for those whose sole purpose is to enjoy the movies the way they were intended. Watch out Michael Moore, Kirby Dick just marked his spot in film-making.

One thing the film hovers around is the fact that many of the most well known directors have been stamped with an NC-17 rating that forced them to take out some scenes that were a really important part of the film in order to make it an R rating. Some of these scenes that were force to be removed actually made the movie. The audience has never seen their favorite films the way they were meant to be seen. The film includes interviews from film critics, authors, and film-makers which include Kevin Smith, John Waters and many more.

This is one of the most interesting documentaries that I have ever seen. Worth renting for the sole purpose of understanding the trouble this association has caused some of our favorite directors stress and agony. Why do these films have to be slapped with a NC-17 rating? Excellent documentary that studies the film institutions worst enemy and delivers a fatal blow on the MPAA.

Engaging and thought provoking. Take the time to really study the effort put forth in this film. Admire the courage that it took to make such a controversial subject as this one. Give it up for Kirby Dick, the film-makers hero and legend. 4.5/5 stars

Mr. Woodcock--"Is the film worth watching? That was a rhetorical question, I already know the answer."

“Mr. Woodcock” stars Sean Williams Scott, Susan Sarandon, and Billy Bob Thorton. With the exception of a couple of mildly funny moments, it ends up being short on the laughs. One of the reasons for this is because all of the actors are in their usual form.

John Farley (Sean Williams Scott) was an overweight kid with low self esteem that was pushed around by his gym teacher (Billy Bob Thorton). Thirteen years later he is a successful author of a book title  “Leting Go”. John gets the chance to see his mother in his home town be the annual Corn Cob Queen, but when he arrives he wasn’t expecting to see that his mother is dating his high school gym teacher Mr. Woodcock. Things get worse when is mother (Susan Sarandon) decides to marry the rough and rude Mr. Woodcock. John’s mission is to break up the marriage by proving to his mom that Mr. Woodcock is not who she thinks he is.

I can’t help but enjoy this film mainly because of Billy Bob Thorton’s character. You may know his character from many of his other films. If you don’t like Billy Bob Thorton, then you really should pass this one up. I am a fan of most of his movies where he plays such a crude and hateful man. In other words, this is Billy Bob Thorton material. Sean Williams Scott role suits him also, which is what makes the movie enjoyable. The film lacked a strong comedic feel to it that could have made it that one great comedy.

Most of the funny parts were spoiled in the trailer that was played continuously during it’s time in theaters. This is what makes the film less funny than it really is. The whole result of the film is very predictable to begin with. For some reason, the true performances still make the movie worth watching. The end is sudden, but the result is satisfying. Billy Bob Thorton uses his bad mouth to make us smile, but never really laugh. It could have been a lot better, but also could have been a lot worse.

The bottom line is, if you like Billy Bob Thorton and the unpleasant characters that he portrays, then “Mr. Woodcock” deserves the rental. If you think that it is funny when Billy Bob is in his evil form, then it is worth watching. Me, I enjoy intentionally unpleasant characters who are in their most beastly appearance. Is the film worth watching? That was a rhetorical question, I already know the answer. 3/5 stars

The Number 23--"The Number 23 Is Neatly Collected."

Staring one of my all time favorite comedian/actors Jim Carrey, “The Number 23″ is one of the years biggest surprises. This story of obsession co-stars Virginia Madson and Logan Lerman, who do exceptionally well at their roles.

Walter Sparrow (Jim Carrey) is a living a normal life with a son (Logan Lerman), a loyal wife (Virginia Madson), and a mediocre job as a dog catcher. His life take a turn for the worst when he is late to pick up his wife, thanks to Ned, a dog he was chasing. His wife stumbles upon a book with the title “The Number 23″ that was written by a mysterious author named Topsy Kretts. After reading a couple chapters of this book, he finds similarities between the character in the book and himself. He soon learns that Fingerling, the character in the book, commits an unspeakable murder.

This is a true spellbinder of a thriller. Jim Carrey owns this gripping thriller that will keep you guessing from start to finish. This is an enthralling piece of film-making from Joel Schumacher, who I am not a big fan of. This tops all of his work put together. Not that many people liked Jim Carrey performance, but I thought that he look very comfortable on screen. The dialog has such a dark, yet suttle tone to it. Lets put it this way, I can’t see anyone pulling off this role other than Jim Carrey. I like him more in dramas than I do in comedies. The only thing is the film is a tad unsure of itself.

“The Number 23″ is neatly collected. The slow pace worked well for me, thanks to the juicy performance by Carrey. Schumacher directs this with such gracefulness that it is hard to turn away from. This edge-of-your-seat thriller that does the one thing that it intended to do, and that is thrill you to the bone. To top everything off, I enjoyed the ending. Even the color red has it’s own characteristic in the film.

 Jim Carrey’s downfall? I think not. This was a solid movie with a solid performance from Jim Carrey, who should deserve more praise for this role. I am a big Jim Carrey fan and for those who think that serious work isn’t for him, I will have to beg the differ. This is one of the years most underrated films. Don’t listen to the critics Jim, your still the most talented man alive. 4/5 stars

Ratatouille--"Unfunny, banal, dreary, and most of the time flavorless."

Staring the voices of Patton Oswalt, Ian Holm, Lou Romano, Brian Dennehy, along with many others, “Ratatouille” is strictly for toddlers. The film takes place in Paris and centers on a Rat with a passion to cook.

Remy (Patton Oswalt) is a rat that has one dream. That dream is to cook like his hero Anton Gusteau (Brad Garrett), who has recently passed away. His restaurant is left to a clumsy chef by the name of Linguini (Lou Romano). By fate, Remy comes across Gusteau’s restaurant and has the chance of a life time when he meets Linguini, a chef in desperate need of help. Remy decides to help Linguini get Gusteau’s Restaurant restored to the five star restaurant that it was meant to be.

Like “Cars”, I thought that Ratatouille overstayed it’s welcome for an animated film, but that’s not the only reason I didn’t like the film. There are several reasons why I despise this movie. One thing is how slow the film is. I never laughed, which is one really disappointing apparatus about most recent animated films. It lacks interesting characters and a briskly paced plot. “Ratatouille” delivers nothing remotely clever in it’s 111 minute running time.

I hated this film and I use the word hate with delight. I found nothing cute, witty, or appealing about a rat cooking at a restaurant in Paris.It was never funny and found myself dozing off. I watched it twice, which means I gave it a second chance, and saw absolutely nothing special about it. Sluggish and never interesting. Not even moderately entertaining. This is a wildly overrated animated feature that won a award it surely doesn’t deserve. In my opinion, “Beowulf” should have took the spot of “Ratatouille” for the nomination. Of course, “The Simpsons Movie” is still the winner for me.

This I would put under the category for Toddlers if there was one. Possibly the worst Pixar movie to date. Might keep kids under 7 interested for a while but adults will squirm in their seats. Sluggish and slow paced with an uninteresting plot. I just can’t see what critics liked about it. Unfunny, banal, dreary, and most of the time flavorless. 1/5 stars

Surf's Up--"In the long run, "Surf's Up" wipes out on almost every film aspect I can think of."

“Surf’s Up” stars the voices of Shia LaBeouf, Jeff Bridges, Zooey Deschanel, Jon Heder, Diedrich Bader and James Woods. This poorly constructed animated film also contains a cameo appearance from professional surf-boarder Kelly Slater.

Cody (Shia LaBeouf) is a penguin from Shiverpool, Antarctica who claims that he is the best there is. In actuality, Cody is nothing but a deadbeat when he meets Tank (Diedrich Bader) in the “Big Z Memorial Surf Off” on Pen Gu island. Ever since he was young Cody idolized Big-Z (Jeff Bridges), a surfing legend that died years ago. From that day forward, Pen Gu island has had the “Big Z Memorial Surf Off” in his honor. Cody’s only dream is to win the competition and prove that he is the best surfer alive.

There are many things that I disliked about the movie. One is the way the penguins walked. Instead of waddling, the penguins walked like humans. Another thing is the film introduces the viewers to characters that they could care less for. This is mainly because of how irritating these characters are. The film is hardly ever funny with the exception of a few built in chuckles. This many will frown upon.

Just because it is an animated film aimed towards a younger audience, the viewers feel obligated to like it. This is how most animated films become over-rated, such as this one. The documentary style photography will probably make kids, it’s primary audience, lose interest in the film. The whole movie experience was a bore and frankly disappointing.

Overall, I don’t see how anyone could keep interest in a film that has so many little jokes that fall flat. I was never dazzled or amused by the animation. The story was simple but predictable. The whole documentary-like feel just doesn’t work for animated films, especially if the film doesn’t have any wit or charm to it. In the long run, “Surf’s Up” wipes out on almost every film aspect that I can think of. 1/5 stars

Happy Feet--"Taps it's way into memory" 

“Happy Feet” features an accomplished voice cast that includes Elijah Wood, Brittany Murphy, Hugh Jackman, Nicole Kidman, and Robin Williams. It is directed by George Miller (Babe: Pig in the Big City) and written by Warren Coleman, John Collee, George Miller, and Judy Morris.

Dropped as an egg, Mumbles (Elijah Wood) is a penguin unlike any of the other penguins. Born in a colony of singing penguins, Mumbles doesn’t sing with his voice, but with his happy feet. This is looked down upon by his fellow penguins, especially since Mephis (Hugh Jackman) and Norma Jean (Nicole Kidman), his parents, have great voices. This dilemma makes his parents worried that he will have trouble finding a mate. Mumbles ends up being blamed for the penguins food shortage and must prove that the shortage isn’t his fault.

Right off the bat you will fall in love with these adorable singing penguins. After the dreadfully boring “March of the Penguins”, I couldn’t help but feel overjoyed at the end of “Happy Feet”. A cute animated film with heart and soul. Catchy tones and songs that are scrambled with other songs that create awe-inspiring music. I loved the tap-dancing. Watch the special feature to see the man who tap-danced for Mumbles. It is an amazing sight.

“Happy Feet” deserved the Golden Globe award best animated feature over “Cars”. It was more dazzling and beautiful to look at. The story is simple and to the point. The movie might have worked better with more singing, because those scenes just managed to maintain a smile on my face. The voices that stood out the most are Hugh Jackman, Nicole Kidman, and Brittany Murphy. I thought that the film started to head down hill when Mumbles was blamed for the food shortage, but then recovered once the ending rolled around.

I would have to say that “Happy Feet” deserves a recommendation to everyone, especially the lot of you who love penguins. It’s cute, funny, stunning, but at times fumbles a pebble or two, which is forgiven in the end. ”Happy Feet” taps it’s way into memory. Director George Miller has a nag for animal films and does and excellent job at portraying the lives of these animals, but this is his best film yet.  3.5/5 stars

Bug--"Be sure to check your skin for aphids after viewing this movie."

“Bug” is exactly the type of film that makes the thinking person think. Staring Ashley Judd, Michael Shannon, Harry Connick Jr., and Lynn Collins. The film mostly takes place inside the motel room of the main character Agnes White (Ashley Judd)

The flim starts out by introducing us to a lonely woman by the name of Agnes White. The opening scene’s purpose is to show the viewers that this woman is not only lonely, but also paranoid about a man who was recently released from jail. R.C. (Lynn Collins) is her only close friend. During a party at the lesbian bar that Agnes and R.C. work at, R.C. introduces Agnes to a warveteran by the name of Peter Evans (Michael Shannon) standing next to a juke box. This all leads to a night of partying at Agnes’ Motel room. After R.C. leaves for an emergency phone  call, Agnes and Peter spend the night together. Once this happens, the bugs arrive. Are they real or is it just their imagination?

Most critics are calling this film a horror movie. I wouldn’t go as far as calling Bug a horror movie. It is more like a psychological film. A government conspiracy to be exact. In other words, if you are the type of person who believes in government conspiracies, then you might find “Bug” to be a very disruptive film. If you are not that type of person, you might start to think like one once the film ends. The acting portrayed in the film might be Ashley Judd’s best work yet. Don’t let the film’s name trick you into thinking that this movie is full of creepy crawling bugs, because it’s not. In fact you never really see any bugs. This is what leaves you wondering whether or not the two really had an infestation, giving “Bug” a resemblance to Hitchcock films.

 Director William Friedkin (The Exorcist, The Hunted, The French Connection) does an excellent job at bringing out the true acting in Ashley Judd, who should be recognized in this film for her assertive performance. A little confusing at times, but a second or third viewing should fill in the gaps. The beginning does start off a little slow, but the quirky dialog should keep your interest. Intensity flows off the screen once the sex scene ends. You might occasionally ask yourself “What is going on?”. Trust me this is normal.

Overall this film has talent both behind the camera and in front. The story just keeps getting more bizarre, bloodier, and mind-blowing as it proceeds. William Friedkin doesn’t top The Exorcist, but it is definitely his best work in over a decade. I recommend this to everyone, just to see it this film messes with your head as much as it did mine. Be sure to check your skin for aphids after viewing this movie. 4/5 stars

Timber Falls--"It is no more than your cut above average horror film that deserves views from fans of fangoria magazine..."

“Timber Falls” stars Josh Randall, Brianna Brown, Nick Searcy, Beth Broderick, and Sascha Rosemann, who are basically nobodies. But, take note on how well acted this is. It takes place deep in the woods of West Virgina.

The film first introduces us to a couple (Josh Randall and Brianna Brown) who are planning on taking a peaceful hiking trip through the wood of West Virgina. They arrive where they must decide which trail to take. After a mysterious woman mentions the trail Timber Falls, among many others, the couple unfortunately decide to take Timber Falls. This leads them to a trio of crazed rednecks and a deformed man named Deacon (Sascha Rosemann) and his psycho family. What follows is torture and mayhem that lead to a sacrificial birth.

What really attracts attention here is the surprisingly well acting done by the lead characters. Gore-hounds will be asking the question on whether or not there is enough gore to satisfy their needs. Lets put it this way, If you enjoy the type of films like “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” and “Hostel” then you won’t be disappointed. You know how the saying goes, “If you can’t afford stage blood, then don’t make a horror movie”. Well, the film-makers of Timber Falls purchased their fair amount of stage blood for this film.

Just like most horror films, you just might find yourself thinking “how stupid can these people be?” I guess that that just adds to the fun. This isn’t by any means a great horror film, but I did enjoy it alot more than I expected. The torture scenes are well shot and the direction done by director Tony Giglio (Chaos) was exceptional, thanks to the help of the actors.

The only dilemma with this film is that goofy and comical ending that just doesn’t suit the movie. The film was clearly a horror movie and the abrupt adding of humor at the end fell flat on its face. Other than that this film was worthy entertainment for fans of torture movies. It is no more than your cut above average horror film that deserves views from fans of fangoria magazine and films that they would recommend. 3/5 stars

Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street--"Gloriously brutal, oddly romantic and one of the years best."

“Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street” stars Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham-Carter, Sacha Baron Cohen and is directed by Tim Burton, one of the most imaginative directors alive.

The film takes place in London where we meet the dark character Sweeney Todd. After being falsely arrested, Mr. Todd is determined to get his revenge on those who imprisoned him and took away his wife and daughter. With the help of a woman by the name of Mrs. Lovett, a pie shop owner who serves London’s worse pies, Sweeney Todd seeks his revenge on those who striped him of his soul.

This is a masterful work of art. It’s funny, scary, brilliant, romantic and ultimately thrilling. Tim Burton and Johnny Depp team up once again, this time they simply top everything that they have done. Hold on tight for Tim Burton and Johnny Depp’s darkest hour yet. Maintaining a well deserved R-rating, this goes far beyond any big-screen Broadway musical ever filmed. The dark and gloomy atmosphere creates a creepy vibe that only Tim Burton could nail with such acuracy. The songs were sung with such perfection and the strangely catchy lyrics make for one hell of a musical. Up for a total of four Golden Globe Nominations, including best picture, “Sweeney Todd” is a radiant horror musical.

Helena Bonham-Carter is as beautiful as her voice and Johnny Depp belts out each note in such a rich and stylized manner. Taking it’s number one spot on my top ten list of movies for 2007, this is without a doubt the most unusual Broadway musical that has ever made it to the big screen. It’s dark material for both Burton and Depp. A creepy and well-crafted thriller that marks the high point of Burton’s career. It’s as exciting, gripping, remarkable and overwhelming as a movie can be.

One of the best films of the year has finally arrived. Someone please give Burton his rightful award for best director. For those of you who claim to hate musicals, you will find this to be a bloody good treat. Depp fans will dig his voice, especially when he hits the strong notes. Well sung with vivid imagination that takes you to the dark side of a man without a soul, “Sweeney Todd” raises the bar far beyond any other movie ever made. This is a razzle-dazzle of a thriller with some intensely grotesque scenes. ”Sweeney Todd” is gloriously brutal, oddly romantic and one of the years best. 4.5/5 stars

I Am Legend--"An uneven mixture of intensity, humor and tragedy that is recovered by the potent acting."

Staring Will Smith and…..well that is just about the only one the film stars. So once again, we have a movie that centers on a single actor. I will have to admit that I am getting tired of films that try their hardest to center on one character. “I Am Legend” is one of those films that are acceptable based on it’s casting choice.

Will Smith stars as Robert Neville, a scientist who is now the only man alive on earth, thanks to a man-made virus. This virus was made to cure cancer, but instead turned every human into flesh-eating zombies. With his only friend being his dog, Robert Neville searches for an answer as to how to cure the infected and find some way of regaining a normal lifestyle. To maintain sanity, he sets up mannequins in the local stores that he visits every day in desperate need of something to talk to.

With a promising start, the film ends up loosing it steam near the end. It mostly worked when Smith and his dog were on camera. Meaning that two-thirds of the film actually felt fresh, whereas one-third seemed to be stale. The story felt like your standard survival story. A man who is close to a nervous breakdown, thanks to the absence of the human race and resorts to strange behavior to maintain his sanity. Seeing that many people will disagree with me, I will acknowledge the intensity and frighteningly realistic Manhattan atmosphere.

The direction was a cut above average, but the photography was done with a bland style. The CGI effects were nothing to go crazy over, however the powerhouse performance from the lead actor is what really saved this film from being a complete mess. It also left me wondering if I missed something. The film-makers failed to explain why Robert Neville was immune to the infected. This was a crucial question that was never answered. The film would fall flat on it’s face without the heavy performance by Will Smith and his dog, Sam.

Other than showing Will Smith’s talents as an actor, the film has nothing much more to recommend. So, hats off to Willie, proving that he is capable of carrying a film on his own. “I am Legend” has a striking resemblance to films such as “A Boy and His Dog” and “Dawn of the Dead”, films that also occurred in a post apocalyptic world. An uneven mixture of intensity, humor and tragedy that is recovered by the potent acting. 2.5/5 stars

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Ice Spiders--"The directing was inert and the story felt trifling and lifeless."

“Ice Spiders” stars Patrick Muldoon as Dan “Dash” Dashiell and Vanessa Williams as Dr. April Sommers. The film is mainly set on ski slopes with what characters in the movie refer to as “ski bums”.

The story is your typical government screw-up. After discovering a way of using a spider’s web for defensive purposes, the government created a lab in a sub-zero temperature zone. This is because spiders don’t like cold temperatures. With the help of Dr. April Sommers, the government fed the spiders a steroid like substance to make the spiders grow at an accelerated rate. All of this turns to mayhem when the spiders get loose and are more immune to sub-zero temperatures than expected.

Those who say that the special effects are great are really pushing it here. The spiders are done with lazy CGI, but this is still better than some horror movies that made it to the multiplexes. With some more decent special effects and a tad bit more gore this could have really found some fans. The acting in it was uneven. By this I mean that some of the acting fit the characters while some of the acting just felt forced. This I would blame on the director.

It was originally aired on the Sci-Fi channel, which is very appropriate for this type of film. I really didn’t expect much from it and that is what I got. A film that really left me with nothing to talk about. I was distracted from the beautiful scenery by the tired CGI effects. Just like any other Sci-Fi original movie with nothing much to recommend.

The main problem with Ice Spiders is it’s short on gore, which is a big thing for me. The body count might have been high, but you never really get to see any of the slaughtering. What I like most about it is that it was originally aired on cable. The directing was inert and the story felt trifling and lifeless. 1.5/5 stars

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How The Grinch Stole Christmas (2000)--"The performance from Jim Carrey just might be his best yet."

Ron Howard’s “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” stars Jim Carrey, one of the most talented actors alive, and co-stars Molly Shannon and Taylor Momsen . The film takes place in a snowflake which is pretty original. I saw it in theaters when I was 11. I enjoy it just as much as I did when I was then as I do now.

As far as the movie’s synopsis goes, I really shouldn’t have to explain it. Everyone knows the story. But do you know the story behind The Grinch. That is what Ron Howard explores in this live action version of the TV cartoon that is played every season. The story is narrated by Anthony Hopkins, who does an excellent job. It is colorful and full of spirit.

The cast is wonderful. Jim Carrey is superb as The Grinch and Max looked just like the dog from the cartoon. The costumes were done with such accuracy to the Dr. Seuss book that it was a great accomplishment alone. Ron Howard is the exact definition of a great director. The scenery was picture perfect along with a marvelous screenplay that gives you some background on the infamous Grinch and why he became the way he is. What more could you ask for with a full length feature film?

A well done adaptation to the beloved book. It is actually more of a Jim Carrey talent show, but works even when Jim Carrey is absent in the film. This proves the talent behind the co-stars along with the creators of the gadgets that resemble Dr. Seuss’ remarkable imagination. The costume designer, Rick Baker, won a well deserved Oscar for best make-up. For the most part, the character development is a work of art. The production design seemed just like the cartoon and was also nominated for an Oscar, but unfortunately didn’t win.

I recommend this to anyone who hasn’t seen it yet. The performance from Jim Carrey just might be his best yet. The film never destroys the moral of the original like the live action Dr. Seuss follow-up “The Cat In The Hat” staring Mike Myers. This is a flawless film that Dr. Seuss would appreciate as much as I do. 5/5 stars

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The Golden Compass--"The complicated story will make it hard for kids to follow ..."

Staring Dakota Blue Richards, Nicole Kidman, Ian McKellen, and Daniel Craig “The Golden Compass” is a fantasy that takes place in a world unlike any other. Directed by Chris Weitz and based on the novel “Northern Lights” written by Phillip Pullman.

In a world where human’s souls walk beside them in the form of animals called “daemons”, a orphan girl by the name of Lyra Belacqua (Dakota Blue Richards) overhears a conversation about Dust. According to Lyra’s uncle, Lord Asriel (Daniel Craig) and his observations on Dust, children are immune to it while adults become tainted by Dust through their Daemons. After recent disappearances of some children, Lyra is asked by her new aquantince, Mrs. Coulter (Nicole Kidman) to join her in her trip to the far north. Before leaving, Lyra is given a golden object called an alethiometer which is capable of telling the truth. Unaware of how to use the alethiometer, Lyra is determined to find the truth about Dust and ultimately rescue the kidnapped children.

In the vein of “The Chronicles of Narnia” this fantasy is far from epic. Although this has more to recommend than “The Chronicles of Narnia” it still fails to amaze its audiences with its unique style of storytelling. There are a couple things that make this decent. One is the special effects. The polar bear fight is something to admire. Another is the acting. Nichole Kidman really stands out wearing one of her sexiest outfits ever.

This fantasy overstays its welcome by an easy twenty minutes. There is really only one scene that stands out. The polar bear brawl is practically the only thing that will dazzle the audience, aside from Nicole Kidman’s sex appeal. This is a loud and unacceptably long adventure that really leads to nothing but questions that won’t be answered until its sequel. The complicated story will make it hard for kids to follow and will leave them asking questions on the ride home.

Overall, this is a contrived story with some noisy effects that ended up being overlong and disappointing. I did enjoy this film far more than “The Chronicals of Narnia” the problem is “The Golden Compass” leaves more questions than answers and depends on a sequel to wrap it all up. Therefore this is amaturish film-making that will not be forgiven by any means. I couldn’t help but feel disappointed in the end. 2/5 stars

The Mist--"There’s something in the mist…..too bad it’s a mild disappointment."

“The Mist” is based on the short story written by Stephen King and is directed by Frank Darabont (The Shawshank Redemption, The Green Mile). This Sci-Fi/Horror stars a fine cast that includes Thomas Jane, Marcia Gay Harden, Laurie Holden, Andre Braugher, and Toby Jones.

After a vicious storm strikes a small town, a mysterious mist follows. The citizens of the town end up stuck in a supermarket after a man, bleeding from the nose, runs in claiming “There’s something in the mist”. After some brutal attacks by creatures in the mist, the people now must fight for their lives to make it out of the mist alive. They end up splitting up into two groups. One group believes that the mist is a biblical act of god, led by Mrs. Carmody (Marcia Gay Harden), and the other group, led by David Drayton (Thomas Jane), does not.

The camerawork and creature effects are what keeps the film moving at a brisk pace. I love the way this film actually feels like a Stephen King horror movie, getting the viewers involved with the character’s situations. The script, though I haven’t read the book, was incisive and to the point. Yes, it was creepy and sometimes scary, but there is something missing. Maybe it was the acting that was done, how should I say, a little too good. Maybe it was the way it was all layed out. Or maybe it was all the hype. What can I say, I was somewhat disappointed.

Some scenes worked well, while others got me rooting for the bugs. What I enjoyed most about this Stephen King adaption are the acid spinning spiders and that backbone of an ending. This is a ultimately depressing horror film based on human survival and the will to live. A hit or miss type of ending, but for me it hit the bulls-eye. What holds the film together is the thick script and the impressive camerawork. What pulls the film apart is the hype and the acting just didn’t work for me.

The mist does have some pretty intense and scary moments, just not enough of them. The bugs are the real showcase here, ranging from giant wasp-like creatures to spiders that spin acid webs. This is, at times, a bone chilling, stomach churning movie experience. There’s something in the mist…..too bad it’s a mild disappointment. 3/5 stars

Fred Claus--"The best holiday film in years."

“Fred Claus” stars Vince Vaughn, Paul Giamatti, and Kevin Spacey. This family christmas comedy is directed by David Dobkin (Wedding Crashers). This is far from the Vince Vaughn that you have seen in ”Wedding Crashers”, which in my opinion is a good thing.

When Nicholas Claus was born, Fred made a promise. To be the best brother anyone could ask for. But, as Nicholas grew, his mother and father always seemed to favor him. Everything that Fred did, Nicholas managed to win over his parents. As this went on, Fred began to despise his younger brother and became naughty. After years of never visiting, Fred decides to visit his younger brother in hope that he will loan him a hefty sum of money. Meanwhile, Fred and the elves are unaware that Santa’s workshop is under heavy surveillance by Clyde Northcut,(Kevin Spacey) who is trying to shut down Santa’s Workshop.

I love the cast. Kevin Spacey and Paul Giamatti in particular. Kevin Spacey does a terrific job as a character that you grow to hate, but in the end can’t help but love. Once again, Paul Giamatti proves that any role (whether it is a determined criminal or a chubby lovable Santa) is suitable for him. Some may think that the Superman/Spacey part was cheesy, but for me it just added to the tender and touching moments that the film has in store.

I also couldn’t help but enjoy the scenery. The set was done with such magical touch and the elves added to the many laughs and chuckles. The main problem with the film is the fact that it will have a hard time competing with crowd-pleasing Christmas films such as “Elf”. Call me nuts…but I enjoyed this film much more than “Elf”. It isn’t great, but it is definitely far from bad. A pleasant holiday film that adult may find more amusing than kids.

“Fred Claus” delivers as a Christmas present for the whole family. The best holiday film in years. Paul Giamatti makes for an excellent Santa Claus, Kevin Spacey delivers as the dreadful evildoer and Vince Vaughn does a surprisingly sincere job as his naughty, but big-hearted, older brother. A warm, funny, and wildly entertaining Santa Claus picture. 4/5 stars

Beowulf--"I will have to say that this film has one thing worth recommending, it’s thrillingly beautiful animation, and therefore fails as a whole."

“Beowulf” stars Ray Winstone, Anthony Hopkins, John Malkovich, Robert Wright Penn, Brendan Gleeson, Crispin Glover, Alison Lohman, and Angelina Jolie. The film takes place in a village that is being disrupted by a beast. This is an adventure/fantasy that will be marveled only by it’s new age of animation.

“Beowulf” starts off with the village having a loud party that agitates the town beast, who has sensitive ears and goes by the name Grendal (Crispin Glover). The king (Anthony Hopkins) is tired of the destruction that Grendal has caused the town and calls upon the hero Beowulf (Ray Winstone). Beowulf then agrees to slay the beast. After his encounter with Grendal ends with Grendal missing an arm, Beowulf is unaware that the beast has an angry mother (Angelina Jolie) that he must face after slaying Grendal.

“Beowulf” puts the stunning animation that was used for “The Polar Express” to bloody good use. The problem with Beowulf is the remarkably bad dialog that produces a few unintentional (?) laughs. It was hard to tell if Robert Zemeckis was trying to make the film satirical on purpose. The only way to see this film is in theaters because the animation wouldn’t look as good on DVD. Strikingly entertaining as far as visuals go.

Another major problem with “Beowulf” is the ending, which I call a momentum stealer. It may have a connection with the story, but with such a slow paced ending to such a briskly paced film makes for a disappointing conclusion. As far as animation goes, this is the best I have seen all year.  This is a huge leap from the poorly written and badly executed ”Polar Express”, but still has it’s flaws that linger.

“Beowulf” is a visually captivating movie experience. There are two things that I couldn’t help but linger on. One is the laughably bad dialog, and the other is the ending takes away from the film’s energy. I will have to say that this film has one thing worth recommending, it’s thrillingly beautiful animation, and therefore fails as a whole. 2.5/5 stars

Bee Movie--"Puts a sting on Ratatouille."

“Bee Movie” stars a very talented voice cast led by Jerry Seinfeld, Mathew Broderick, and Renee Zellweger. This animated film takes place in New York City, where a bee by the name of Barry leaves his bee hive to explore the outside world.

Barry B. Benson (Jerry Seinfeld) has just graduated from college with his buddy Adam Flayman (Mathew Broderick). After Barry realizes that he will be working with the same job for the rest of his life, he decides to explore outside of the hive before he doesn’t have a chance to. Once Barry leaves the hive, but he breaks one very important bee rule: Never talk to humans. He meets a human by the name of Vanessa Bloome (Renee Zellweger), who saved his life. The two become close friends, but soon Barry finds out that the humans have been stealing honey from the bees for profit. He decides to sue the human race for stealing their honey.

Jerry Seinfeld adds some witty humor to a well mannered story about bees that will even amuse ones who aren’t fans of Jerry Seinfeld. This is a step towards great animation that adults will enjoy just as much as the children. Not a moment is dull in this sweet gift of a film. Although, some moments are absolutely ridiculous, those are overlooked considering all of the animated duds made this year. This is one of the better animated films of the year.

Bee Movie has all the special ingredients that make these films bearable for adults. It has a few big laughs scattered through the whole film. Jerry Seinfeld puts forth a worthy family film that has many clever moments. “Bee Movie” is funny, witty, and as sweet as honey.

A clever little animated flick that, in my humble opinion, puts a sting on “Ratatouille”. “Bee Movie” is sure to please kids as well as entertain adults with its clever ideas. Funny at times and has a talented cast. Spread the buzz around to those who found “Ratatouille” a bore. 3.5/5 stars

Waterborne--"Waterborne is one of the most powerful films of 2005."

“Waterborne” stars Christopher Masterson and Jon Gries. This gritty story of survival takes place in Los Angeles where terrorist have contaminated the city’s water supply. A horrific Drama directed by Ben Rekhi.

The movie centers on several characters, mainly two friends played by Christopher Masterson and Jon Gries, that connect to a story of racial equality and human survival. The film takes place in three day increments. Tension builds on day one of the contamination as the fear of drinking water intensifies. While the city is in a frantic, friendships deteriorate and the urge for water turns to a deadly rampage.

Stunning performances from Christopher Masterson and Jon Gries. As expected, this film held my interest with it’s gritty storytelling and outstanding photography. Once the film kicked off, my eyes will be glued to the screen. First time director Ben Rekhi does an excellent job at proving his skills behind the camera. Fine performances from its supporting cast. A very engaging drama from start to finish.

The photography was shot so well that you feel almost obligated to watch. A mesmerising drama showing that fear is what controls us. This is the most important movie about human survival made in years and a work of art that has been overlooked by many. Great work done by a first time director Ben Rekhi. “Waterborne” deserves a spot on my top ten list.

Successfully combines the cinemagraphic look of the movie “Traffic” and the power that came with the movie “Crash”. A very sobering, thought provoking film that demonstrates the power of racial equality and human survival. Waterborne is one of the most powerful films of the year. Great acting and directing. This is the most terrifiying story of survial I have ever seen on film. I recommend “Waterborne” to everyone who hasn’t yet discovered the talent behind Ben Rekhi as a director.  5/5 stars

Cool Hand Luke--"This is a film that will grab you and hold you decades after it is over."

“Cool Hand Luke” stars Paul Newman as Lucas Jackson and mostly takes place at a prison where he takes part in a chain gang. Mainly categorized as a drama with some humor mixed in. “Cool Hand Luke” co-stars George Kennedy and is directed by Stuart Rosenberg.

The film starts off with Lucas Jackson committing the crime of vandalism in a parking lot while intoxicated. He is then sentenced to a chain gang in the South. He soon becomes the talk of the prison when he claims to be able to eat fifty hard boiled eggs. After many attempts to escape, he is tracked down by the guard dogs. His sentence keeps getting extended for his behavior and he soon gets tired of the extra hard work given to him as punishment. As a result, he gives escaping one more try.

This is definitely a masterpiece. Great performances from every actor’s part and has one of the most quotable lines in cinema history. This is a film that will grab you and hold you decades after it is over. Ranks among the greatest films ever made along with “One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest”. “Cool Hand Luke” is Paul Newman’s signature film and most memorable one. 

Having been made in 1967, it is still considered to be one of the most appreciated films of all time. ”Cool Hand Luke” features a spectacular script written by Donn Pearce and Frank Pierson. Unforgettable movie that should be experienced by all movie lovers. If you try to scope out the films flaws, it is like looking for a needle in a haystack. This is movie making at it’s best.

This film will be admired for years to come for it’s high degree in film making. A film that actually demonstrates what the perfect movie should look like. Unforgettable performances, good direction done by Stuart Rosenberg, excellent script written by Donn Pearce and Frank Pierson, and catchy lines such as “What we have here is a failure to communicate” makes for one of the most honorable movies ever made. 5/5 stars

Death Proof--"Outstanding stunts, great photography, and edge of your seat car chases that will leave you breathless."

“Death Proof” stars Kurt Russell, Rosario Dawson, Tracie Thoms, Rose McGowan and Zoe Bell. It is directed by my all-time favorite writer and director Quentin Tarantino, who pays homage to his favorite Cult Classic car chases in his most recent film “Death Proof”.

Kurt Russell plays the role of Stuntman Mike, a psychopath who stalks beautiful women in his so called “death proof” car. After an early encounter with a group of women puts him in the hospital, he recovers and searches for his next victims. In Tennessee, he spots another gang of women who appear to be an easy target. Once Stuntman Mike starts his rage, he soon finds out that he messed with the wrong people.

The film had an unique style of photography to give it that B-rated effect. I really enjoyed the car chase, mainly because it never goes over-the-top and stays within the reality zone. Witty dialog with a Tarantino vibe and the acting was nothing to complain about. Like all of Quentin Tarantino’s movies, he adds a touch of humor along with his high caliber directing.

“Death Proof” has a sizzling sound-track that adds to the movie experience. The “Death Proof” being released on DVD has some added material that makes it thirty minutes longer than the one that was featured in “Grindhouse”. Great stunt work done by Zoe Bell. Note that the missing reels and the fake trailers are absent, which I found disappointing. It tries to redeem itself with an added lap dance, but the missing reel gave it that grindhouse effect.

Overall, “Death Proof” is definitely worth a look, but it should have been distributed as the double feature. This is worthy of a collector’s item that will be a top DVD seller. I would recommend this film to fans of Quentin Tarantino and the Cult Classics of the 70’s and 80’s. Outstanding stunts, great photography, and edge of your seat car chases that will leave you breathless. 4/5 stars

The Brothers Solomon--"After a while, the movie just becomes annoying and ignorant."

"The Brothers Solomon” stars Will Arnett as John Solomon and Will Forte as Dean Solomon and is directed by Bob Odenkirk. The movie first takes place at the brother’s apartment and leads to the hospital where their father is in a coma. Categorized as a slapstick comedy with a brainless but big hearted duo.

After receiving two urgent phone calls, the first from the hospital concerning their dying father and the second involving a video rental , John and Dean Solomon head to their two destinations. The two receive the news that their father has gone into a coma and his last wish is for a grandchild. The brothers plan to make their father’s wish to come true, regardless of what it takes. Unaware of the disastrous events that follow, the brothers try to get someone to follow their plan. They can’t seem to get anyone to carry their child, so the two turn to their last resort, the Internet. They finally get a response from a woman asking for a ten thousand dollar reward because she needs the money and wants to have a baby.  

“The Brothers Solomon” makes “Dumb and Dumberer” look like a decent comedy. The two characters in the film do outrageously dumb antics and have a tendency to make the viewer feel dumb for paying for admission to the movie. It is better than “Balls of Fury” but never comes close to topping the film it intended to, which is “Dumb and Dumber”. This film  contains one of the most longest and needless scenes that I have ever scene lasting almost ten minutes long involving a airplane banner.

 The direction was sloppy and the humor is dull. The film never has a consistent pace and the timing was off. John and Dean Solomon have to be the worst on-screen duo to come along in a long time. “The Brothers Solomon” might work for some
people, but it sure didn’t work for me. 

This is a Slapstick Comedy minus the comedy. After awhile, the movie just becomes annoying and ignorant, but somehow watchable. The jokes are played out. It has a predictable ending that is executed badly. I do think that the brothers were casted well, but with nothing to work with, their talents were wasted. Maybe it would work better as a Saturday Night Live skit. Poorly directed, lack of timing and pace, and a over-the-top mindless script makes this a major mess of a comedy.  1.5/5 stars

Thr3e--"Ultimately forgettable movie, widely cliched, and a twist ending that most have already seen."

Categorizing Thr3e is very difficult because I was confused of what type of genre it was trying to depict. The most appropriate category for this movie would probably be Crime Thriller. Thr3e stars Mark Blucas and Justine Waddell and is directed by Robby Henson.

A police profiler named Jennifer Peters wrote a book about a serial killer which makes her the target of a psychopath by the name “The Riddle Killer”. Forced to watch her own brother’s grotesque murder, she now has the chance to work the on a case that involves the killers next victim. That is pretty much the plot behind Thr3e.

The film lacked interesting characters. The only decent acting was done by Justine Waddell and Jeffrey Lee Hollis. I personally thought that the acting done by Mark Blucas was somewhat over-dramatic, though he does have talent. A couple of notable performances that critics failed to mention.

The plot was abundantly cliched. Thr3e produces no new ideas of it’s own and borrows it’s ideas from other Crime Thrillers. Even the “surprise” ending wasn’t much of a surprise considering that it was taken from a film that is much better. Bogarts from other movies to make a story we have seen many times.

Ultimately forgettable movie, widely cliched, and a twist ending that most have already seen. Decent acting done by Justine Waddell and Jeffrey Lee Hollis. But with a plot pieced together using numerous films, it just has everyone annoyed and waiting for the credits to roll. 1.5/5 stars

1408--"Displays the way the horror genre was meant to be."

This is a film that I would categorize as a psychological horror movie with some extremely well performances from John Cusack and Samuel L. Jackson. Most of the movie’s setting takes place in the notoriously haunted Dolphin Hotel.

John Cusack plays a writer (Mike Enslin) known for solving the paranormal. Unconvinced that any place that he visits is haunted, he decides to check into the Dolphin Hotel ,known for numerous murders that occurred in the room 1408. After a very intriguing discussion with the hotel’s manager, (Samuel L. Jackson) he still decides to investigate room 1408. Not long after checking in, Mike Enslin encounters many disturbing events that lead him to believe that the room is haunted. He soon learns that checking out of 1408 is much more difficult than checking in.

 Very effective lead performance from John Cusack makes the movie convincing. I would have liked to see more of Samuel L. Jackson, but his absence through the rest of the movie gives John Cusack a chance to shine, as he did. Great acting keeps the movie moving along at a brisk pace. A breakthrough performance from veteran actor John Cusack.

The creepy atmosphere of the room gives the movie an authentic effect. The setting was done so well that you actually feel like the events that are occurring are real. The design of the hotel was so elegant that it seems like any ordinary hotel, giving the viewer a realistic perspective of the movie. Great set design and creepy atmosphere.

Without exposing too much gore and maintaining a deserved PG-13 rating, this is a horror movie that is actually horrifying in a believable way. It’s flaws are overlooked thanks to a spectacular performance from a very underrated actor. Not the best Stephen King adaption but certainly is close. 1408 displays the way the horror genre was meant to be. I would recommend this movie to those looking for less brutality and more scares. 4/5 stars

Enchanted--"...Far from the enchanted movie experience that I was hoping for."

“Enchanted” is a film, like many others, where the animated world collides with the real world. It stars Amy Adams, James Marsden and Susan Saranon. Most of film takes place in the real world, which is good because those are the scenes that worked.

This is a fairy tale that centers around a princess by the name of Giselle planning to get married to Prince Edward. Everything is according to plan until Prince Edward’s evil mother Queen Narissa sends Giselle to the place of no happily ever afters. Prince Edward and his sidekick Pip (a talking squirrel) follow in search Giselle and true loves first kiss. While Giselle is wondering around in the real world, Queen Narissa decides that the only way to keep her son from getting married is to poison Giselle. Yes, you guessed it, a poisoned apple. Sound a little familiar?

What makes “Enchanted” your average run-the-mill Disney is the film has nothing original to offer. This is basically your Snow White/Cinderella fairy tale. The film has some flaws that are forgivable, like the predictably happy ending. What is a fairy tale without a happily ever after? The thing is that some of the flaws are just downright unforgivable. These include how unoriginal and cliche the whole story felt. I kept asking myself “Haven’t I seen this before?” It leaves kinda leaves a “been there, done that” feeling.

Amy Adam does an outstanding job as the always cheerful Giselle. It is just too bad that Prince Charles isn’t exactly Prince Charming. Everyone will find Pip to be the funniest character and the filmmakers failed to make his character shine.

I warn you that this is musical/fantasy. Those who aren’t fans of musical might find themselves to be rolling their eyes. I am one those who isn’t a fan of musicals, but for some reason I enjoyed those scenes the most. This was in fact entertaining, but it is far from the enchanted movie experience that I was hoping for. The story’s concept could have been put to good use if it had some new ideas. I am sure that this film will find a wide variety of audiences who will like it. “Enchanted” is one that young girls will adore, but for me it was your basic Disney movie. 2.5/5 stars

Mr. Brooks--"Mr. Brooks is one of the more well crafted thrillers to come along in years."

Mr. Brooks stars Kevin Costner and William Hurt and is directed by Bruce A. Evans (Starman, Kuffs). With a supporting cast that includes Dane Cook and Demi Moore, you eyes will be glued to the screen.

Earl Brooks (Kevin Costner) is a highly successful business man with a devoted wife and a loving daughter. He also has a secret that he has kept for years. He is addicted to killing. With the help of his counterpart Marshall, played guinnessly by William Hurt, he has been known as the notorious Thumb Print Killer. After going to meetings to help his sickness, he has been clean for two years until Marshall gets the best of him and a sneeky eye-witness (Dane Cook) wants in on some of the sadistic action.

A cleverly written script with an original concept. The story seem more real than fiction which proves how cunning the film really is. The only thing is that this film has so many twists that it’s hard to keep up with at times and ends up becoming somewhat confusing. The witty dialog and juicy performances are what holds the film in place.

A great cast including Dane Cook and Demi Moore and suitable characters considering the mindset of Mr. Brooks. I loved William Hurts performace as the evil couterpart of Earl Brooks. For it’s performances alone, this film is definately a must-see. As for Bruce A. Evans, I sure do look forward to his next work.

Finally, a smart twist-filled thriller that never goes over-the-top and stays within’ the reality zone. William Hurt and Kevin Costner’s performances are outstanding and the side performance are exceptionally good. Mr. Brooks is one of the more well crafted thrillers to come along in years. It is an overall versatile film that has some sleek performaces that are not to be missed. 4/5 stars

Trapped in Paradise--"This virtually unseen Nicholas Cage comedy has been overlooked for a reason."

“Trapped in Paradise” stars Nicholas Cage, Jon Lovits and Dana Carvey. This is an average comedy that could have been better if it wasn’t so predictable. The film takes place on Christmas Eve in the snowy town of Paradise, Pennsylvania.

Bill Firpo (Nicholas Cage) has the gene of a thief in him but has been trying his best to stay out of trouble. He soon finds out that his brothers, played by Jon Lovits and Dana Carvey, are getting out of jail on parole and have the brilliant plan to rob a small town bank. After being convinced that this is his only way to beating his problems, he agrees to rob the poorly guarded bank of Paradise, Pennsylvania. The gang of thieves get smothered by the town’s sweetness and find out how hard it is to take loot from such nice people.

Some funny moments doesn’t make up for how ridiculously stupid the movie really is. Nicholas Cage is a man with a decent life, yet he still decides to rob a bank? The concept of the town smothering them in kindness did make me smile. It was an entertaining film, but I could predict just about every event that was going to take place. Jon Lovits was the funny man of the three, Nicolas Cage seemed to be uncomfortable on screen and I found Dana Carvey to be very annoying.

The pesty mother of the Firpo brother’s, played by Florance Stanley, managed to make me laugh. I couldn’t help but linger on the flaws scattered through the film. It’s too bad that this movie could have been funny if it were in the right hands. Director George Gallo fails on his part to write and direct a funny little comedy.

This virtually unseen Nicholas Cage comedy has been overlooked for a reason. The comedy is dull at times, but I would be lying if I said I didn’t laugh. The big problem is that most of the laughs weren’t because it was funny, but because of how ludicrous the concept is. Having said that, it is worth watching on television for free if it is ever aired. 2/5 stars

Dead End--"With suspense, scares, and dark humor, it scores on a exceptionally high note."

“Dead End” is a horror comedy starring Ray Wise, Lin Shaye, Mick Cane, and Alexandra Holden as a family on their way to Grandma’s house for Christmas vacation and take a dreadful shortcut. The film mostly takes place on a road that seems to never end.

Frank Harrington played by Ray Wise is the father of a family on their way to the usual Christmas family vacation. Along for the ride is his wife, daughter, son, and his daughter’s boyfriend. Tired of taking the usual route, he decides to take an unwise shortcut while the family was sleeping. They soon realise that they are lost with no idea where they are. Their trip leads to nightmare of mayhem and unfortunate events.

The cast was magnificent. “Dead End” is a true nail-bitter. With suspense, scares, and dark humor, it scores on an exceptionally high note. A well written script that will satisfy fans of this genre. Lin Shaye does an excellent job, as always, and decent performances from the others. Well directed with a cast that doesn’t fail.

The film had a creepy atmosphere and scares that are timed perfectly. Dark humor is added to some gory situations. Brilliantly pieced together from beginning to end. With a twilight zone feeling and a twist ending, this is what I would consider a good horror film.

If you haven’t seen “Dead End” then put it at the top of your list for your next trip to the video store. If your a fan of the genre, then you will not be disappointed. This is one of my favorite independant horror films ever made and has one of my favorite actresses of horror movies (Lin Shaye). Suspensful, scary, brillantly concieved, and a good horror movie all together. The only thing that I didn’t really care for is it’s ending. This is a surprisingly good low budget horror film. Don’t miss it. 4/5 stars

Dead End--"With suspense, scares, and dark humor, it scores on a exceptionally high note."

“Dead End” is a horror comedy starring Ray Wise, Lin Shaye, Mick Cane, and Alexandra Holden as a family on their way to Grandma’s house for Christmas vacation and take a dreadful shortcut. The film mostly takes place on a road that seems to never end.

Frank Harrington played by Ray Wise is the father of a family on their way to the usual Christmas family vacation. Along for the ride is his wife, daughter, son, and his daughter’s boyfriend. Tired of taking the usual route, he decides to take an unwise shortcut while the family was sleeping. They soon realise that they are lost with no idea where they are. Their trip leads to nightmare of mayhem and unfortunate events.

The cast was magnificent. “Dead End” is a true nail-bitter. With suspense, scares, and dark humor, it scores on a exceptionally high note. A well written script that will satisfy fans of this genre. Lin Shaye does an excellent job, as always, and decent performances from the others. Well directed with a cast that doesn’t fail.

The film had a creepy atmosphere and scares that are timed perfectly. Dark humor is added to some gory situations. Brilliantly pieced together from beginning to end. With a twilight zone feeling and a twist ending, this is what I would consider a good horror film.

If you haven’t seen “Dead End” then put it at the top of your list for your next trip to the video store. If your a fan of the genre, then you will not be disappointed. This is one of my favorite independant horror films ever made and has one of my favorite actresses of horror movies (Lin Shaye). Suspensful, scary, brillantly concieved, and a good horror movie all together. The only thing that I didn’t really care for is it’s ending. This is a surprisingly good low budget horror film. Don’t miss it. 4/5
stars

Open Water--"A waste of film."

“Open Water” is based on a true story and stars Blanchard Ryan and Daniel Travis as a couple who become stranded in the middle of the ocean, which is where most of this horror thriller takes place. “Open Water” is directed by Chris Kentis, who was also the Director of Photography.

A married couple played by Blanchard Ryan and Daniel Travis decide to spend their vacation time scuba diving in the Caribbean Islands. Once the two go on a scuba diving tour, they surface to find that their tour boat has left them in the middle of the ocean. Encountering everything from jellyfish to the dreadful shark, the two must somehow find a way of being rescued before they become victims of the sea-life below.

The low budget look and the fact that real sharks are used is makes it feel more realistic. The actors seemed convincingly scarred. There are many things that I can mention about this film that should make it better than it is. Nothing really happens. The two pretty much cry in despair while they float at the surface of the water. Nowhere near as exciting as it could have been and therefore fails as a feature length film.

A film like this needs to keep the viewers interested. With such a low budget, you need more suspenseful thrills like in “The Blair Witch Project”. It does have some intense moments, but not enough to keep viewers on the edge of their seat, which results in a boring movie and a waste of time. This is no where near the range of good movies or even decent ones. In the right hands, this film could have been extremely tense.

A waste of film. Lost interest for about the first ten minutes that they were stranded. The only credit that I give to this film is the fact that it seemed so real and that the acting was pretty convincing. Otherwise, the movie seemed too boring to be a full-length feature film. Take my advise and stick with “Jaws”. 1.5/5 stars

This comedy/horror stars Joel David Moore, Tamara Feldman, Deon Richmond, and is directed by Adam Green. “Hatchet” mostly takes place at a creepy swamp that is said to be haunted. Also co-staring Robert Englund, Tony Todd, and Kane Hodder, who are some of the most famous horror icons in film history.

After being dumped by his girlfriend, Ben (Joel David Moore) decides to ditch Mardi Gras to go on a “Haunted Swamp Tour” and his best friend Marcus (Deon Richmond) gives in to the plan. Along for the trip are two girls being filmed by a phony adult film producer, a happily married couple just out for a good time, a local named Marybeth looking for her brother and father, and a goofball tour guide with a total of three accents. After the tour boat unfortunately crashes, they learn the true story of Victor Crawley, a deformed child who was ridiculed by other children and accidentally killed by his father with a hatchet. Disbelieving the legend, the group searches for help, unaware that Victor Crawley is still at large and is searching for his next victim. The local Marybeth is their only hope of finding their way back to town. Now running for their lives, each must stick together and find a way out of the swamp before Victor Crawley spots them.

The acting is appropriately bad by Deon Richmond and Tamara Feldman, which added to the numerous laughs. Seeing legendary horror icons Robert Englund (Freddy), Tony Todd (Candyman), and Kane Hodder (Jason) was a treat itself. A reprising role by Kane Hodder as Victor Crawley. Cameo appearances from Robert Englund as the missing father and Tony Todd as Reverend Zombie.

The special effects are all make-up and no Computer Generated Images, which makes the movie all the better. Over-the-top gore, lots of laughs, buckets of blood and memorable kills. It’s not scary, but horror fans will appreciate the gore and make-up effects. ”Hatchet” has it all, from decapitated heads and limbs to beautiful, topless girls.

I loved every moment of this movie. The acting was on par for this type of movie. Funny characters, gory kills, and a new horror idol that ranks among some of the greatest psychopaths ever created. Doesn’t go overboard with profanity, but does expose some bloody images creating it’s rightful R-rating. 4/5 stars
 
 

Balls of Fury--"This is a bitter comedy spoof deprived of laughs and the comedic talent of it’s cast."

“Balls of Fury” is a satire of kung fu flicks and the sport of ping pong. Staring Dan Fogler as a ping pong master, George Lopez as a Federal Bureau of Investigation Agent and Christopher Walken as the leader of a deadly game. This movie takes place in an underground ping pong tournament where the competeters are forced to play to the death.

Dan Fogler stars as Randy Daytona, a great ping pong master gone rusty after an embarrassing defeat many years ago. A Federal Bureau of Investigaion Agent, played by George Lopez, sends the ping pong legend to infiltrate a lethal tournament ran by Feng, played by Christopher Walken. Randy Daytona is sent into a very painful and senseless training by a blind ping pong prodigy, which included swatting bees and hitting ping pongs with wooden spoons. Randy falls in love with his blind trainer’s kung fu fighting niece. Now, Randy Daytona must win the tournament and his love or face sudden death, literally.

The script failed to squeeze any laughs, nor chuckles for that matter. It kept me waiting for something funny to happen, which never did. Christopher Walken’s appearance in the movie was also disappointing. Don’t expect Christopher Walken to steal the show like he usually does when he is co-staring in a film. With a cast that has the potential to be funny, you would expect more. The script drained the comedy out of the characters. Tries to be funny, when it is impossible with such a disgracefully unfunny script.

I wasn’t really expecting much from Director/Screenwriter Robert Ben Garant, who directed “Reno 911! Miami” and wrote “Night at the Museum”. Even with the talent of the cast that is provided in most of his films, they are never worth watching in my opinion. If your a fan of the Reno 911! series or the Reno 911! movie, than you will probably think that this is the funniest thing you have ever seen. “Balls of Fury” is consistently unfunny and I couldn’t wait for the film to end.

This is a bitter comedy spoof deprived of laughs and the comedic talent of it’s cast. Inadequately mixes lowbrow humor and Asian culture to create a dud of a comedy. I recommend this movie for all those who are fans of Reno 911!, otherwise avoid this ill-fated satire. 1/5 stars